Which second do you think it’s really hard to share a room?
30 years old, monthly income of more than 10,000 points, and boyfriend living in a shared room, even intimate have to sneak, never dare to scream out, often have to find the other roommates are not at home, only dare to a little bit more unrestrained.
When it came time to talk about marriage, we decided to buy a house, but because of the money thing quarrel.
It was at this time that a Beijing native appeared beside me.
His name was Li Cheng.
When Li Cheng made a pass at me, I didn’t hide, I didn’t get carried away, I was just calculating whether I could bear the cost of “crossing the line” with Li Cheng.
In good conscience, his looks are only average, and he is only 172 in height.
Compared to my boyfriend, Feng Guochao, his appearance is far worse.
However, if you attach his “Beijing indigenous” identity, the North Fifth Ring Road area of 100 square meters, with 400,000 yuan renovation of the new house …… and his career work …… and all of this external additions to bring him the kind of “relaxation of the charm”.
Let him leave Feng Guochao, who always looks nervous, far behind.
Wild sparks were splashing around.
He’s so good at it, it’s hard for me not to get emotional.
Honestly, with Feng Guochao, that thing is like a routine.
I haven’t felt passion for a long time.
I knew very well what was bound to happen tonight if I didn’t stop it.
And at this moment, Feng Guochao’s face eerily flashed in my mind.
My heart was like being poured a bucket of cold water, and my passion quickly receded.
Wild sparks crackled and all went mute.
I stopped Li Cheng, “I have to go home.
” I could see that he was surprised.
I didn’t avoid his eyes and did my best to look honest.
“I told you, I have a boyfriend.
I can’t apologize to him.
” Li Cheng should be bummed.
But upbringing wouldn’t allow him to impose.
He let go of me anyway.
I quickly gathered my clothes and fled from Li Cheng’s house.
Lee Sung put me in a cab.
Before getting into the car, he told me, “Lili, when you only think about whether you can afford him or not, you actually don’t love him anymore.
“Maybe he was right.
I had long since stopped loving Feng Guochao.
After all, love is too much of a luxury for northern drifters like us.
As early as when we were fighting for survival over and over again, the love between us was already worn out.
Still, when Feng Guochao’s face flashed in my mind, I was overwhelmed by guilt.
We were together for ten years.
Without love, there should still be ‘righteousness’.
Let’s say for the sake of righteousness.
I feel that I should give Feng Guochao another chance.
2 In the car, I can’t help but think of the moments I spent with Feng Guochao.
We are from the same hometown, both from the small city of Tai’an.
He is from Feicheng and I am from Dongping.
In today’s words, we both belong to the category of “problem solvers”.
It’s not easy to fight all the way from a big university entrance examination province to get into Beijing’s 985, God knows how hard it is.
But compared to Feng Guochao, it was even harder for me.
Because he is the younger brother in the family, and I am the older sister in the family.
Although Feng Guochao’s family is not rich, as the only son, all the resources of the family are his.
At least, he was never at risk of missing school.
And me?
Since I was a child, I don’t know how many times I’ve heard, “What’s the use of studying so much for a girl?” and “It’s better to go out and work early to earn money than anything else.
I was on the verge of dropping out of school at any time, and I had to get top grades over and over again in order for my family to continue to pay for my education.
I relied on student loans to go to college.
I spent almost all of my extracurricular time working part-time.
I met Feng Guochao when I was working part-time in the school library.
Feng Guochao is very good-looking, with a sharp eyebrow and starry eyes.
But he was too shy.
At that time, he always came to borrow books.
I ran into him almost every time I was on duty.
I knew he was drunk.
But he was too shy to talk to me.
Finally, I asked him first, “Classmate, do you want to get to know me?” He stammered, “Do you want to know me?
He stammered, “How do you know?” and I pointed to a card he had borrowed.
He stammered, “How do you know?” I pointed to a book he borrowed and said, “You’ve borrowed this book, Quantum Mechanics, three times this semester.” Until now, I still remember his red face and bright eyes.
At that time, the emotion that surged between us was undoubtedly love.
Later, we got together naturally.
I’m good-looking, and I’d say I’m about eight or nine out of ten after I put on some makeup.
Among those who chased me, there was no lack of rich people.
I chose the poor man, Feng Guochao, because at that time he was willing to give me the best of everything.
The first Christmas after we got together, he bought me an Apple 4 cell phone with his scholarship and said to me, “I won’t let you suffer with me.
” What did I tell him?
Yeah, I forced him to return the Apple 4.
I also told him, “Are you stupid? A cell phone is more than 4,000 yuan, which is enough for us to rent an apartment for half a year after graduation next year.
“Feng Guochao refused, saying that he felt indebted to me and that I had nothing if I followed him.
I interrupted him, “I have Feng Guochao, do they?
“At that time, I really felt that I was in love.
I had Feng Guochao, and I had a future to look forward to.
When did everything change?
My family never approved of us.
My mom wanted me to become a phoenix so that she could help my brother in the future.
If I chose Feng Guochao, to her, it was like her years of “investment” had come to nothing.
One New Year’s Eve, my mom and I quarreled over Feng Guochao.
My mom asked me through gritted teeth, “What do you want from this kid who has no house, no car, and no background?
“I said with a straight face, “I just want him to be good to me.
“As a result, my mom laughed coldly and said, “If you don’t have any money, he won’t give a shit about you! You’ll be crying in the future.
“At that time, I was so proud of my mom that I was fighting with her, “Why should I cry? When we’re rich and famous, we’ll beat the drums and laugh at you!” But ten years have passed, and there is no sign of us getting rich.
We still live in cramped rented apartments, squeeze into the stinky subway in the morning and evening rush hours, go out early and come back late, dare not stop for a day, and are obediently squeezed by the company.
But the rate of increase in wages can never catch up with the prices of housing, prices ……. We share a refrigerator, a kitchen and a toilet with other people. We have to cook at every opportunity, take a shower at every second, and even “that” has to be done in secret.
A little louder, it becomes a performance of an action movie for the next door …… How can love be nurtured in such a life?
And, my mom’s prophecy came true.
Feng Guochao, who has no money, soon treated me badly.
The first time we broke up, because I had a birthday, bought myself a 2000 yuan COACH bag.
Feng Guochao thought I was brainwashed by consumerism and became vain.
I defend myself: I have a small 10,000 salary a month, can not buy a 2000 bag for yourself?
Besides, my colleague also carries more than 10,000 bags, what kind of vanity am I?
But before I could finish my sentence, I was interrupted by Feng Guochao.
“Xu Lili, how can you compare yourself with your colleague?
Your colleague is a native of Beijing and has three suites at home.
What do you have?
I even have to pay your rent! We’re both from small places, my family has limited help, and you’re lucky if your family doesn’t hold you back.
If we want to get a foothold in Beijing, we need to save up and buy a house! We can’t afford those designer bags.” Feng Guochao has a point.
“Feng Guochao has a point.
But I broke up with him anyway.
That was the first time I realized that the future with Feng Guochao was not what I wanted.
My good friend Luo Xiaoyue supported my decision to break up with him.
She said that she had not been optimistic about Feng Guochao and me for a long time, and educated me, “Beijing’s latest plan says, ‘By 2020, the resident population will be limited to 23 million,’ so what does that mean?
People who don’t have enough skills may not be able to stay.
Women like us, who are not strong and whose parents are not powerful, can only rely on marriage if we want to stay.
“I asked her why she didn’t tell me this earlier.
She herself married a local early.
Xiaoyue rolled her eyes, “You had to listen even if I told you earlier! You’re always obsessed with that Feng Guochao.
“Now that I think about it, if we had broken up at that time, it would have been good for Feng Guochao and me.
However, less than a month after the Coach bag incident, Feng Guochao approached me to get back together and apologized.
He said he did not really think I was vain, just because he was not able to let me live a good life, so he said those words.
Luo Xiaoyue said, Feng Guochao must have turned around in the marriage market, and found that I still have the best value for money, so he came to eat me this back to grass, let me ignore him.
But I was soft, and finally agreed to get back together.
Since then, Luo Xiaoyue think I am rotten, not willing to intervene in the matter between Feng Guochao and me.
But as a friend, she still advised me: “You don’t have too much love brain, but also have to keep an eye on yourself, at least save some money! These days, you can’t rely on anything but money.” I knew that Xiaoyue was sincere.
“I know that Xiaoyue is genuinely interested in my well-being.
So, when Feng Guochao later proposed: to save our money together, the future use it to buy a house …… I flatly refused.
This also makes Feng Guochao not too happy.
He felt that I did not take him as one of my own.
But what happened last year when I bought the house, proved that he also did not take me as his own.
Feng Guochao’s family demolished the house and divided 700,000 yuan.
He saved up 300,000 and finally got enough money for the down payment.
At that time, I also had about 300,000 in my hand.
I wanted to take it out and put it together for the down payment.
That way, we could buy a house in a slightly better location or a slightly bigger house.
Of course, accordingly, the house book must be written in both of our names.
I didn’t expect Feng Guochao to flatly refuse.
His reasoning was grand: “My money is used to buy a house, your money is used to renovate it.” “My money is used to renovate it, it’s not a good idea.
“I asked him, “If I use my money to renovate the house, will my name be added to the house book?
“I asked him.
He was silent, saying that the down payment was the bulk of the family’s contribution, and that he had to discuss the matter with his family.
The result of the discussion was – his sister said to me: “In order to put up this down payment for Guochao, my parents have taken out all the money from their coffins, do you think it’s appropriate to add your name to the house?
“So I’m also contributing part of the down payment,” I said.
“I said.
His sister laughed.
“My family put up a million dollars, you put up 300,000 dollars, and you have to put your name on the house?
That doesn’t make sense to anyone.
Unless, let’s do a notary, notarized the proportion of the house ownership ……” During his sister and I negotiated, Feng Guochao has been silent with his head bowed.
I asked him: “Are you thinking the same thing?
He said: “Lili, this money is not my own.” I looked at Feng Guochao.
“I looked at Feng Guochao and felt like I had just met him.
I had suffered with him for ten years, and in the end, he was so defensive.
I was disheartened and said to him, “We’ve come to such a pass, why don’t we just split up?
“It was only after this that his family finally agreed to add my name to the house book.
I don’t know how much of Feng Guochao’s compromise was for love, and how much was for fear that if he really broke up with me, it would be hard to find a more suitable wife.
I feel that it is meaningless.
At the critical moment, or Luo Xiaoyue lent me 300,000 yuan, so that I have enough to buy a single apartment outside the Sixth Ring Road down payment.
I did not hesitate to buy my own house.
Feng Guochao was very unhappy with my choice.
He said that I was not able to tell the difference between those on the inside and those on the outside.
He said, “We were already struggling to pay the mortgage with our CPF, so if you buy another house now, what are we going to eat and drink in the future?
“When he didn’t agree to add my name to the house, he said that his family would pay more for the down payment.
When I bought my own house, he wanted me to help him pay the mortgage after marriage.
He says he loves me, but he only has himself in his heart.
It was Luo Xiaoyue who lent me the money for my sake, just to make me feel more secure in this city.
“At least, you have a place to go when you have a fight with Feng Guochao.
“You see, love is not even as reliable as friendship.
Anyway, Feng Guochao and I have stumbled our way to marriage.
And the thing that almost caused us to go our separate ways this time was the bride price.
3 Originally we planned: this year’s New Year’s return to their hometowns, the marriage will be finalized.
In order to comply with the latest epidemic prevention regulations, we took our annual leave in advance with the company.
It was at this time that my mom called and said something about the bride price.
First, she beat around the bush – a neighbor received 150,000 for her daughter’s marriage, “all the colors of the rainbow are green,” for good luck.
Finally, she said, she discussed with my father: considering Feng Guochao’s family just bought a house, they received 100,000 yuan as a gesture of goodwill.
I don’t know what to say, but I’m not sure if I’m going to be able to get the money.
I did not hesitate to refuse.
I said, Feng Guochao and I in order to buy a house has already lost all the money, certainly can not get this money.
My mom was very upset.
“Your dad and I raised you so well and put you through college, but we haven’t gotten much credit for you over the years.
Now our relatives are saying that we have raised a money-loser, both explicitly and implicitly! If you don’t get a dowry for your wedding, how will your father and I look?
“My mom’s words made my lungs explode: “It’s true that you’ve raised me, but don’t I pay you 1000 dollars a month?
How much does your good son pay you a month?
Why am I a money-loser?
“Everything’s expensive now. What’s 1,000 dollars a month enough for?”
You don’t just care about your man, you should care about your mom too.
I’m over 50 years old, and I still have to go to the village to dig tree pits for people, just to earn 60 or 70 dollars a day, can you bear it?” I laughed at my mom’s words.
My dad retired from a state-owned enterprise, with a pension of nearly 4,000 yuan a month.
I also give them an extra 1000 dollars a month.
The two of them have 5,000 dollars, in our small 18th-tier county, not to say eat and drink, but also enough to crush most people.
My mom still has to dig a tree pit, is it for me?
It’s not for her baby boy! My brother’s mortgage and car loan are paid by my parents.
My brother’s daughter-in-law and children are supported by my mom and dad.
5,000 dollars is not enough to support a whole family! I told my mom, “You didn’t dig the tree pit for me! When did you and my dad ever think of me?
My salary is just over 10,000 a month, and I give you 1,000 a month. If that’s still too little for you, I can’t do anything about it.
As for the dowry, not to mention that we don’t have it, even if we could, I wouldn’t ask Feng Guochao to give it.
We will need a lot of money in the future.
If you don’t plan for me, I can’t not plan for myself.
“My mom cried on the other end of the phone.
But I hung up and wiped my eyes.
My hands were full of tears.
This was my family of origin.
Forever trying to take from me without offering to give me anything.
There was no turning back for me, Lili Xu.
Although I told my mom that I was desperate, that night, I sent her a WeChat: “100,000 yuan bride price is not available.
But I checked online, Taian bride price generally give 30,000 yuan.
In a few days I’ll transfer 30,000 to you.
“After a long time, I received a reply from my mom: “I know.
“There are only three words, just like our shallow mother-daughter relationship.
Originally, I didn’t intend to let Feng Guochao know about this.
I could have paid the 30,000 dollars out of my year-end bonus.
But that night, Feng Guochao happened to go to a colleague’s wedding, came back and told me: his colleague married an aboriginal woman, his mother’s family accompanied a small 500,000 car.
He was so envious that he couldn’t hide his envy.
Finally, he asked me, “Did your mother-in-law tell you?
When we get married, how much is your family going to give us a car?
I don’t think we want 500,000, I think 100,000 will do! When we get the number ……” My mother’s family wants 100,000 for the dowry.
My husband’s family wants 100,000 for the dowry.
My life, it’s so bullshit.
At that moment, I suddenly had a thought – this marriage is not a good idea.
I interrupted Feng Guochao’s beautiful thoughts: “Your mother-in-law doesn’t have a dowry.
But she’s going to ask you for 100,000 yuan as a dowry.
“As I expected, Feng Guochao jumped up, “Bride price?
What bride price?
Ask around us, which of our classmates who got married in Beijing asked for a dowry?
Which one of us got married in Beijing and asked for a bride price? It’s not enough that your family didn’t subsidize you, but you even asked for a dowry!
“When Ji Jingjing got married, the man gave her 100,000 RMB.
When Zhang Qiang got married, the man’s family gave her 100,000 dollars.
“I’ll tell you.
Feng Guochao sneered.
“Ji Jingjing’s family also accompanied a suite of rooms, your family accompanied what?
You have always said that you are an independent woman! How come you are not independent at this time?
“I also laughed.
“I earn my own money and spend it myself, and I also bought my own house, how am I not independent?
Isn’t my little house in the suburbs of Beijing considered a dowry?
Why don’t you count it?
“Feng Guochao was asked by me to stop, humming and puffing half a day said: “You know the situation of my family, now is not a penny out of the money! If there is no dowry, is the marriage off?” “Yes, if there is no dowry, the marriage is off.
“Yes, if there is no dowry, the marriage will not be concluded.
“The next step was a long cold war.
Luo Xiaoyue asked me what I was going to do.
“If you really think that you can’t live with Feng Guochao, then it’s better to have a long pain than a short one and break up, so that you don’t have to get married and then regret it! With the new rules, it won’t be that easy to get a divorce.” She said easily.
“She makes it sound so easy.
But a ten-year relationship is not something that can be cut off just by saying so.
Besides, I have doubts in my heart. Although Feng Guochao is selfish, I am not a perfect person.
At least we know each other well.
If I really break up with him, I don’t think I’ll be able to find a more suitable replacement than him.
Li Cheng came along at this time.
We’ve known each other for a few years.
The organization he works for is an important client of our company.
He happens to be my counterpart.
When we first met, he tried to chase me, but I politely refused.
Later, we have been getting along as partners.
Because of the cold war with Feng Guochao, I was so distracted that I made a mistake in submitting the closing data to Li Cheng and his unit.
I thought I was finished.
The mistake was enough to get me fired.
Who knows, the pot was carried by Li Cheng.
He told their leader: it was an accidental mistake when he changed the report.
That’s how he saved me.
I didn’t know how to thank him, but he downplayed it: “Hey, it’s not a big deal! I’ll just get a few words from the leader, he can’t fire me.
But you’re just a little girl, you’ll look bad if you get scolded.
“In his eyes, the major mistake that made me fearful was just a trivial matter.
This is the difference between having no backbone and having backbone.
Li Cheng’s backbone comes from his status as a native of Beijing and his work within the system.
He lives in an extremely safe world.
This made me very envious.
I insisted on inviting him to dinner to thank him properly.
He joked that he was tired of eating out, so if I insisted on thanking him, I might as well go home and cook him a meal.
I knew this was his test, but I didn’t refuse.
So I came to his new house located in the North Fifth Ring Road, fully 100 square feet, even the decoration cost 400,000 yuan.
What made me most envious was that I saw a bathtub in the bathroom.
Imagine a nice bubble bath after a tiring day, preferably with a glass of red wine, what a wonderful life.
It didn’t sound like such a far-fetched wish.
But in the previous ten years, I hadn’t realized it once.
Once, I wanted to satisfy myself once.
I bought an inflatable bath tub on Taobao, and even took a half day off from work just so I could monopolize the toilet in my shared house and take a nice bath.
But before I could soak, my roommate knocked on the door and said he needed to use the restroom.
The roommate didn’t have to go to work that day.
The roommate squatted in the pit for a long, long time.
When he came out, I heard the old exhaust fan in the toilet keep clicking.
I went to my room and cried, and never used the inflatable tub again.
For a while I thought I had resigned myself to my fate.
But now the brand new world of being able to enjoy bubble baths beckoned.
I made four dishes with great effort, showing off my virtuousness in every way.
I knew that as a foreign woman in the north, my greatest attraction to Li Cheng was beauty and gentleness.
My efforts were not in vain.
After that meal, Li Cheng was even more enthusiastic about me.
Originally, everything was watertight that day …… but Feng Guochao, who suddenly popped up in his mind, still stirred it all up.
Sitting in the cab, my heart is very messy.
My future with Feng Guochao, like the heavy night outside the window, is too thick to melt the darkness.
When I got home, Feng Guochao was already asleep.
I went to take a shower in silence and got into bed in silence.
Just as I was about to fall asleep, Feng Guochao suddenly turned around and hugged me from behind, “Lili, let’s be good, don’t quarrel, okay?
“In the darkness of the night, his voice sounded like he was crying.
My nose was also sore.
“I’ve thought about the dowry.
I’ll go to my buddies to get some money together, and no matter what, I’ll make your family happy.
“Feng Guochao continued.
“Don’t you think I don’t deserve the dowry?” “I was wrong.
“I’m wrong. I shouldn’t have said that.
You are the most important thing to me.
Without you, what would I do in Beijing?
I really don’t dare to think about it.
“It was his words that made my heart go all soft.
Yes, in this big city, we are in the same boat.
We are the ones who should be closest to each other.
I turned back to him and threw myself into his arms.
At that moment, there was no one else in my mind, nor was there that ‘bubble bath world’.
Feng Guochao started kissing me.
We were enjoying the moment and longing for each other as if we had been in a drought for a long time.
But when we were about to take the final step, I instinctively reminded him to put on his “raincoat”.
He got up and rummaged around in the nightstand for a while, but didn’t find it.
He then kissed me, wanting to continue, “We’re getting married, so if you’re really pregnant, you can have it.
“Give birth?
How can we do that?
To have a child in Beijing, you need to have at least 100,000 dollars in savings! A hundred thousand dollars.
Besides, if I get pregnant, will my job be in trouble?
Will Feng Guochao alone be able to pay the mortgage for two houses, plus the expenses of a family of three?
I pushed Feng Guochao away firmly, analyzing all the information in my head, and finally came to the conclusion, “At least within three years, it’s impossible for both of us to have a child.
“Feng Guochao looked at me with frustration and rolled over as if he was angry.
“After all, do you think I’m poor?
Don’t poor people deserve to have children?
” he muttered.
Yes, they do.
At least in this city, Feng Guochao and I don’t deserve it.
5 Later, we each turned our backs, swiped our cell phones for a while, and went to sleep.
Adults have no business being sentimental and arguing in the middle of the night.
Tomorrow we still have to squeeze the subway to work.
The next morning, neither of us mentioned what happened last night, neither of us said anything to apologize.
It is not that we tacitly agree that nothing happened last night, but …… the rhythm of every weekday morning like a war, forcing us to run to two different subway stations.
We didn’t have time to say one more word to each other, or even look at each other.
On the subway, I was squeezed into a human sardine and had my arm splashed with soy milk by a passenger who had secretly brought it on the train.
The passenger who accidentally spilled the soymilk was a young man who had just entered society.
He apologized to me in an uneasy and childish manner and insisted on paying for the dry cleaning.
His eyes were clear, much like Feng Guochao’s ten years ago.
I didn’t ask for his money and didn’t say anything more to him.
Because I was going to be late for work.
Rushing to my workstation, I was just about to remember how miserable I had been in the past two days, when the little girl at the next workstation handed me three Cheerios and said, “Sis, they’re old and sweet! Eating the sweet Cheerios, I suddenly understood those who aspire to the freedom of Cheerios.
What Cheerios represent is a sweet, decent life.
The flavor is healing.
After three pills, it is sweet between the mouth and lips.
The little girl next door was working while secretly stuffing Cheerios into her mouth, and I could see my craving grow.
I decided to buy a pound after work.
Although I can’t do Cheerios free yet, I should still be able to have one once in a while.
Throughout the day, I was thinking about buying Cheerios after work.
I don’t know if anyone else has ever felt this way – suddenly wanting to eat something and wanting to get it in your mouth right away.
As soon as I got off work, I rushed into the fruit supermarket.
Originally intended to buy only a small half a catty, taste a fresh even.
However, when I arrived at the supermarket, I found that Chelsea, which originally cost nearly 90 yuan a catty, is now sold for only 30 dollars.
Really did not expect, we poor people can also realize the freedom of Chelsea?
I bought a catty and a half, totaled less than 50 dollars.
Unexpectedly, is because of so little Chelsea, I and Feng Guochao completely divided.
That day I just washed the cheerios and put them on a plate, he came back.
He took one look at the cheerios and his face immediately dropped.
With the experience of living with him for ten years, I knew exactly what he meant.
He just resented me for spending more money.
My good mood, which I had wanted to enjoy, was gone.
But after eating one, I decided not to bother with Feng Guochao.
I pushed the plate in his direction, “Try it, it’s quite sweet.
”I didn’t expect that he wouldn’t even understand my exhaustion and compromise, but instead he fought me: ”I don’t deserve to eat such a golden thing!” I knew he was making a fuss over nothing.
But destroying the existing peace and rebuilding it is too tiring for me.
I really don’t want to argue with him.
If he won’t eat, then I’ll eat by myself.
I finished eating the Cheerios alone and silently, and went to the kitchen alone again with a plate.
Feng Guochao chased me into the kitchen.
“Xu Lili, I won’t say anything if you buy Cheerios today.
Don’t buy any more in the future.
” “Why?
” I asked as I washed the plates, the anger inside me already ignited.
“Why?
! We just bought a house, and we’re going to go home for New Year’s Eve, and we’re going to have a wedding after New Year’s Eve, so don’t we need to spend money on all of these things?
You now buy eighty or ninety dollars a pound of Chelsea …… appropriate?
Buy a taste of it, you also buy so many! That plate you just bought, there are at least two pounds!” Oh, he seems to think he is very reasonable.
His words completely enraged me.
I wasn’t even willing to break bread with him about the real price of Cheerios – even if what I bought was really 90 bucks a pound, wouldn’t it be worthy of eating?
“I don’t even have the right to eat in order to marry you?
” I turned around.
I wanted to get a good look at the man who was going to marry me.
“Rights, rights again! Xu Lili, I think you’ve really been brainwashed by those messy idyllic women’s rights on the internet, talking to me about rights all day long! You need a house and a bride price to get married.
These are all your rights.
Now eating Cheerios is also your right! I’ve lost my family’s money to satisfy your rights. I’m so tired! Why can’t you think of me?
!” I froze and looked at Feng Guochao, feeling a wave of exhaustion.
It turned out that in his heart, me even eating a Cheerios became a sin of not thinking about him.
“To put it bluntly, at this stage, we don’t deserve to eat something so expensive!” Feng Guochao thought I was convinced, and reached out to take the plate in my hand.
“I don’t deserve it?
” I don’t even know whether I should cry or laugh.
Crying that I’m actually going to marry a man who …… says I don’t deserve Cheerios?
Laughing I’m actually going to marry a man who says I don’t deserve Cheerios! I am completely desperate for that future with Feng Guochao.
Marriage is not only a woman’s second reincarnation.
It is for everyone.
The kind of person you marry or marry means the kind of person you are too.
And I, for one, didn’t want to be someone who was deemed ‘unworthy of Cheerios’.
It turns out that when a person’s heart truly dies, they don’t cry bitterly, and they don’t necessarily go through something big.
The moment I decided to leave Feng Guochao was the moment I put my plate in the cupboard.
Since the decision was made, there was no point in arguing.
Under Feng Guochao’s astonished gaze, I packed my bags and gently told him, “Let’s break up.
“Feng Guochao did not stop me.
On my way out, he said to me, “You’re almost thirty, but you’re still so willful.
It’s my fault for being too lenient with you in the past.
You can go now, and we’ll call it quits.” He said something else later.
“I didn’t listen to what he said after that.
I don’t care anymore.
Sitting in Luo Xiaoyue’s 150 square feet home, it was already past nine in the evening.
I briefly told her the reason for moving out.
Luo Xiaoyue put a cup of hot tea in my hand and comforted me, “It’s good to split up.
You’re good-looking and not too old, so as long as you think clearly about what you want, you’ll always be able to find someone with decent qualifications.
Even if you can’t find one, you still have a small house.
It’s better to live on your own than to stay with Feng Guochao! I can’t even eat a Cheerios without having to look at his face, what’s the point of living here?
“I laughed.
Luo Xiaoyue always hits the nail on the head.
She continued, “If you’re looking for someone, think about who around you might be a good match.
“I stroked the hot cup of tea and somehow thought of Li Cheng.
The cooperation between our company and his organization was over for the time being.
He and I haven’t been in touch for a month or two since the last time.
How to reconnect with him became a problem I thought about every day.
I had clearly rejected him last time, and if I took the initiative to contact him now, I would look like a b*tch.
I couldn’t take the initiative, I could only wait for the opportunity.
One weekend night, Li Cheng posted a dynamic, saying that he was watching the Guoan game at Gongtibei.
I remembered that he told me that usually after watching the game, he also has to eat a snack with his group of fan friends in the neighborhood.
I quickly ran to a coffee shop near the stadium, and also sent a friend circle with the location.
In less than five minutes, Li Cheng contacted me.
He asked me on WeChat, “I’ve just finished watching the game, and I see that you’re in the neighborhood, so do you have time to meet?
“After five minutes of stretching, I typed, “Yeah.
My girlfriends and I will be leaving soon, so I’ll look for you after the meeting.
Without waiting for me to send it out, Li Cheng sent me another one: “If it’s okay, I’ll come over to you.” Li Cheng was smart enough to do so.
“Li Cheng is very smart, he asked this question in a very tactful way.
If I refuse, then I don’t like him at all, or I’m with my boyfriend.
If I replied “yes”, then I broke up with my boyfriend.
Because last time I made it clear that I had a boyfriend and didn’t want to betray.
After thinking for a while, I replied back with a ‘yeah’.
Li Cheng appeared soon after.
He came running and stood in front of me, his chest still slightly heaving.
I was a bit touched.
He smiled and said, “I haven’t seen you in over a month, you really missed me.
He was too smart to have understood from my attitude: I was back to being single.
I lowered my head and smiled, sort of accepting his confession.
He dragged me to their Guoan fans’ late-night party, saying that everyone had heard that Cheng had a favorite girl and were clamoring to meet me.
I half-heartedly went.
Because I also wanted to know more about Li Cheng’s life – and my future life.
All the males having a late-night snack that day were Beijing natives.
They had been watching soccer with Li Cheng for ten whole years.
One of them, Dalong, was Li Cheng’s high school classmate.
His wife, also a foreigner, has been married to him for two years.
It is in them that I see the future of Li Cheng and me.
Big Dragon and his wife have been complaining to their friends that Big Dragon’s mom always asks them when they want to have a child, but they themselves feel that they have not grown up and have not had enough fun, so how can they have a child?
Some people laughed and said, “If you want to have a child, you can bring them to watch soccer together! There’s nothing wrong with that! They have to have kids sometime.” Others said, “That’s right! We watched and played soccer together when we were kids. When our kids grow up, we’ll be together too.” Da Lung’s wife put her arm around Da Lung: “I’ll give you a child in two years! Tell your mom not to torture me in these two years.” Da Lung’s wife made a big promise.
“Da Lung’s wife put her arm around you, “I’ll give birth to your child in two years!
“At this point, someone else said, “We need to have a boy, so we can play and watch soccer together.
“Li Cheng laughed and retorted, “A girl can do it too!” Everyone laughed and blamed the one who suggested having a boy.
My eyes suddenly moistened.
I excused myself and left the table, saying I had to go to the restroom.
I love children.
But the topic of having children had hardly ever come up in Feng Guochao’s and my previous lives.
For a couple of northern migrants without hukou, it’s not hard to want children, but it’s extremely difficult to get them educated in Beijing.
However, this is not a problem at all for the natives.
They can have children if they want to, or not if they don’t want to, and they can be completely loyal to their hearts.
When I came back from the restroom, I quietly listened to them talk about their troubles again.
But the “worries” in their mouths, in my opinion, are all stable and advanced worries, not the same concept as the survival problems that bother us northern drifters.
At this time, I received a WeChat from Feng Guochao, who hadn’t contacted me for half a month.
He asked me as if nothing had happened, “Pick you up from work tomorrow?
” This was too funny.
There was nothing to hesitate about, so I directly closed Feng Guochao’s dialog box.
Now, I desperately wanted the kind of steady, high-class annoyance that Li Cheng and his friends had.
7 It was almost twelve o’clock when I came out of the store.
Li Cheng had been drinking a bit and his face was flushed.
He called a special car and said he would give me a ride.
In the car, he gently took my hand, and again gently whispered in my ear, Is it good to be with him?
His friends like me.
He thought the two of us could have a good time together.
I said, I have to think about it.
This answer seemed to be what he expected.
He smiled and touched my hand and said, “Go ahead, don’t think about it for eight or ten years.
“I smiled and said I wouldn’t make him wait that long.
I thought to myself that I couldn’t wait that long myself.
In less than a week, I gave him a clear reply, agreeing to try with him first.
Li Cheng is quite happy, ran to Wangfujing that day to buy a solid bracelet of ancient gold, said he saw a colleague wearing a good-looking, I want to buy one for me, as a token of love.
He also said that he is not a fashionable person, do not understand what girls like, think the gold bracelet will never depreciate in value, than to send a cell phone, bag is much better.
I happily put it on and told him I approved of the idea and thanked him.
He took me in his arms.
“Thank you for what ah silly girl! Buy gold jewelry for your daughter-in-law, that’s not what you should do!” That night, I stayed at his house.
After finishing, he hugged me and said, “A moment in the night is worth a thousand pieces of gold, I understand now, I really didn’t understand before.
“I realized that he was still reminiscing.
He was very satisfied with me just now.
This kind of satisfaction makes me sad.
To be honest, that night at Li Cheng’s house was the most licentious night I’ve had in ten years, and also the saddest.
Once upon a time, when I was with Feng Guochao and shared a room with someone else, I never dared to scream out when I did this kind of thing, and I often had to look for times when the other roommates weren’t at home before I dared to be a little bit more wanton.
But in spite of this, it is still possible to be disturbed.
There was even a time when someone knocked on the door in the middle of the night and asked if the Internet cable was unplugged and why we couldn’t get on the Internet.
So, we don’t do this kind of thing very often.
And at Li Cheng’s house, I don’t know why, but I remembered countless times the bits and pieces of being with Feng Guochao.
In order to stop remembering those heartaches and losses, I could only get more into it.
After that day, Li Cheng obviously treated me better.
I could see in his eyes a compassion and heartache that had not existed before.
He smiled and said, don’t risk going home during the epidemic, just stay in Beijing for the New Year.
Seeing him like this, I feel more solid.
I gradually don’t think about Feng Guochao much anymore.
Just when I thought I had forgotten him, he appeared again.
Li Cheng came to pick me up from work as usual and bought me a bouquet of flowers.
Who knows, Feng Guochao also came.
He saw me getting into Li Cheng’s car and directly pulled Li Cheng out of the car.
Feng Guochao is ten centimeters taller than Li Cheng.
If we were to fight, Li Cheng would definitely not be a match for Feng Guochao.
At the moment when Feng Guochao’s fist was about to pound on Li Cheng’s chest, I pounced on Li Cheng and helped him block it.
Feng Guochao’s punch almost broke my back.
Neither Li Cheng nor Feng Guochao asked me if I was in pain, but asked me who the other party was at the same time, and threatened to waste the other party at the same time.
I told Li Cheng that Feng Guochao was my ex-boyfriend who broke up with me.
Feng Guochao insisted that the two of us did not break up, Li Cheng shamelessly as a male mistress.
Compared to the two, Li Cheng is more emotionally stable.
So, I let Li Cheng go home first, I will solve this matter.
Li Cheng refused to go, saying that he was afraid that I would suffer.
I said, “I’m sure I can solve this matter, or I’ll call the police.
“But I also said that I wanted to handle this matter by myself and hoped that Li Cheng would believe me.
Seeing that I insisted, Li Cheng said that he would wait for me in a café on the side, and that he would call the police if Feng Guochao dared to touch me.
I agreed.
When I came face to face with Feng Guochao again, I realized that I really didn’t like him at all.
I told Feng Guochao, Li Cheng is my current boyfriend, is my prospective fiancé, after the year I am ready to get married, please do not come to bother me.
Feng Guochao eyes are red: “Xu Lili, you just because of that plate of Cheerios and I broke up, right?
“Sort of.
“I sighed.
“It’s been ten years. We’ve been together for ten years! Just because of a plate of Cheerios, what’s the point?
I don’t think so.” “Yes.
Ten years ago, you said you wouldn’t let me suffer.
Ten years later, I don’t even deserve to eat a plate of 30 kilograms of Cheerios – right, I forgot to tell you, Cheerios are not that expensive now! It’s only 30 bucks a pound, and I was ruthless before I bought a pound and a half.
Then I came home to hear you educate me that we don’t deserve Cheerios?
How can I live with you?
” Originally I was already not aggrieved, but when I said it, I wanted to cry again.
Feng Guochao froze for a few seconds, then broke up the conversation.
“Even if I was wrong about the carrots, I apologize to you.
But if you think about it with a clear conscience, apart from this incident, what other things have I wronged you?
We’ve been together for ten years, and I’ve never let you pay a penny for rent.
I ……” “Do you think I’m taking advantage of you because you’re paying the rent?” I interrupted him.
“I interrupted him, “Let’s go back to the argument! I didn’t want to get into it with you before, but now that we’re breaking up, we might as well get it straight.
Yes, you paid the rent all these years, but did I pay for everything we ate and drank together?
Have you ever bought food?
Do you know how much a catty of onion costs now?
“Feng Guochao was dumbfounded.
I sneered, “Let’s go back to Chelsea.
Why don’t you know that the price of Cheerios has dropped?
It’s not because you’re living with me, you don’t need to care about that! Feng Guochao, we don’t owe each other anything, so let’s split up.” After saying all this in one breath, I just feel exhausted.
I just wanted to get out of here.
However, Feng Guochao still refused to let me go, he looked at Li Cheng who was sitting in the coffee shop not far away.
He looked at Li Cheng, who was sitting in the coffee shop not far away. “Okay, let me ask you, what makes him better than me?
“Feng Guochao’s mouth squeezed out this sentence.
On the seat behind the floor-to-ceiling window, Li Cheng was also staring at him.
I bit my lip, not wanting to say anything.
First, I don’t want to prick Feng Guochao’s pride.
Two, don’t want to admit my thoughts nakedly.
“You say it! He’s that short and dumb guy?
Where is he better than me?
You don’t want to let someone play you for nothing! You don’t want to let someone play you for nothing!” Feng Guochao growled and his words became vicious.
My heart stung, and I couldn’t care less about sympathizing with his pride.
“He’s better than you in every way! He’s a Beijinger with a career! He has a three-bedroom apartment in the North Fifth Ring Road! If I marry him, I won’t have to pay the mortgage, my child will have a household registration, and his parents have a school district! Marrying him will save me a lot of trouble!” I said almost word for word, each word slammed into his face.
Feng Guochao was dumbfounded, half shouting out, “Xu Lili, you are selling yourself! “Yes, I am selling myself! I am selling, you can’t afford it! He has a bathtub at home, so I can take a bath after that! By the way, if we do that, we don’t have to be afraid of people knocking on the door! Are you satisfied?
I’m satisfied! Feng Guochao roared “Fuck” and left.
Standing in the same place, the cold wind blew into my collar, and I was slightly sobered up.
When it comes down to it, Feng Guochao and I have lost the last vestige of decency.
9 Speaking to the root of the year under.
Our company issued a notice to let us try to spend the New Year in place.
After receiving this notice, somehow I was relieved.
For one, not having to go home and face my mom and others.
Two, I felt that there might be a chance to spend New Year’s Eve at Li Cheng’s house.
With my explicit and implicit efforts, Li Cheng took the initiative to invite me several more times before I agreed to go to his parents’ house to spend New Year’s Eve together.
After determining to go to Li Cheng’s home for New Year’s Eve, I had a visual with my mom.
After carefully questioning Li Cheng’s family situation, my mom agreed with me to go to the man’s home for New Year’s Eve with both hands.
My mom in the video, smiling happily: “You go to someone’s home for the New Year, you must behave well ah! I’m very happy to have such a good son-in-law.
“My mom has never even met Li Cheng and described him as “such a good son-in-law” after hearing his conditions, which really left me speechless.
I told my mom that Li Cheng is still just a boyfriend, not her son-in-law, so she should not talk nonsense.
“That’s why I want you to perform well and turn your boyfriend into a son-in-law! When you get there, you must be diligent, talk less and work more! Remember, when an old man chooses a daughter-in-law, he’s looking for someone who can keep house and take good care of his son.
If you get a chance, test his parents’ attitude.
You’re not getting any younger, so it’s best if you get married after next year.
” My mom got serious and wanted me to get a license right where I was.
“Well, I’ll wait and see.
“I gave her a perfunctory answer.
“You’re not young anymore, and you’ve been with that Feng for so many years……. It’s the blessing of our ancestors that you have such a good man to take over for you! You mustn’t mess it up for me.
If you marry a Beijinger, you become a Beijinger! In the future, it will be much easier for our relatives to go to Beijing to do business or look for jobs! Your nephew will be counting on you…” My mom still only had my brother and her grandson in mind.
I didn’t want to say more to her, and found an excuse to hang up the video.
Collapsing heavily onto the bed, I felt a pang of suffocation in my heart.
Not waiting for me to catch my breath, my mom called the video again.
“Mom has thought about it, since you married to Beijing, then we are considered a high marriage, the bride price we do not want.
As for the dowry, the average dowry on our side of the family is only 30,000 yuan.
I’ll pay up to 10,000 yuan, and you can make up the rest yourself.
“She said a bunch of things in rapid succession.
“Beijingers don’t pay dowry, so you don’t have to prepare a dowry for me.
“I don’t know where my mom gets her energy from every day.
I’ve lost my strength just listening to her.
“Then I won’t prepare anything.
“My mom was so happy and relaxed that she hung up the video.
On the afternoon of New Year’s Eve, Li Cheng brought me to his parents’ house.
His parents live in an old house in Haidian District.
The neighborhood is zoned for a famous elementary school, so the house price is always in the top ten in Haidian.
Li Cheng’s mom took the sea cucumber and Maotai that I brought with me in a polite and courteous manner, with a hint of imperceptible vigilance: “Such expensive things, let you break the bank.
“In fact, I originally prepared only one catty of fine sea cucumber.
But when Li Cheng picked me up, he said he had a client sent him two bottles of Moutai, which he happened to bring with him, so he said it was a gift from me to his father.
I understand that Li Cheng hopes that his parents like me, or …… he is afraid that his parents do not like me.
Li Cheng’s this intention, I am quite grateful.
Into the door washed his hands, and his parents said less than five minutes polite words, I put on the apron into the kitchen.
His mom was very upset and kept saying that she wouldn’t let me cook, saying that she should do it.
I smiled and pushed her out of the kitchen: “Auntie, fate allows us to celebrate New Year’s Eve together, and I’m the junior, so I’ll let you try our Lu cuisine! I’ll make sure you have a different New Year’s Eve dinner.” I didn’t really know what Lu cuisine was.
“In fact, I don’t know what Lu Cuisine has to offer.
But I knew that I had to cook this meal.
When I came out of the kitchen, it was already more than two hours later.
Looking at the four cold dishes and four hot dishes on the table, Li Cheng’s mom was obviously much warmer to me.
Li Cheng and his dad were also very supportive, praising me for my delicious cooking.
Li Cheng’s dad also said that he hoped that I would make the charred croquettes again next New Year’s Eve.
Li Cheng’s mom nodded and agreed, “These balls are really delicious! I declare that this dish will be included in our family’s New Year’s Eve dinner menu from now on.
“Li Cheng pinched my hand under the table.
The inclusion of the charred meatballs in the New Year’s Eve dinner menu meant – I was also included in his family’s door.
After eating the food, the Spring Festival dinner started.
Li Cheng’s mom opened and wrapped the dumplings, saying that she would never let me interfere, “You’re exhausted from cooking so much just now, go watch the Spring Festival dinner with Li Cheng!” I can’t really sit on the sofa to watch TV and eat melon seeds, so I slipped downstairs under the pretext of “going downstairs to throw away the garbage first”.
After throwing away the garbage, I saw that the small store in front of the neighborhood was still open, and I don’t know why, but I suddenly wanted to have a smoke.
After I lit up the cigarette and took a drag, I felt much more comfortable.
I instantly understood the mood of those men who stood on the street in winter and smoked.
But at this time, I saw Li Cheng come from not far away.
He looked around, at a glance is looking for me.
I hurriedly pinched the cigarette, threw a whole box of cigarettes and lighter into the trash can, then exhaled a few breaths, and ran over to him.
I took Li Cheng’s arm.
Li Cheng, however, frowned: “How does …… your body seem to have the smell of cigarettes?
“I stalled: “Just now there is a big man passed by me, sprayed a mouthful, I guess all sprayed on me.
“I’m not sure if you’re a good person, but I’m a good person, and I’m not a good person.
That old man is so rude!” I raised my face, smiled and agreed, grasping Li Cheng’s hand tightly.
This year is finally over.
(End)
