What was the first kiss like? The first time I kissed, I was passive because I was afraid of losing him.
The day my parents found out about my early love, I was sweating because I had an ectopic pregnancy and my fallopian tube ruptured.
I was at home that day studying for my final exam.
I suddenly had a stomach ache and was sweating.
My mom rushed me to the hospital and rushed to inform my dad.
The doctor told my mom that I had an ectopic pregnancy that caused my fallopian tube to rupture, causing abdominal bleeding, and that I had to take urgent measures to remove one side of my fallopian tube.
My mom fainted in my dad’s arms, while my dad had a big argument with the doctor.
During the hospitalization, the doctor told me and my mom that my chances of conceiving naturally would be affected.
Mom cried and I hid in her arms, afraid to look at her.
Her sadness reached me through her clothes and I whimpered along with her.
After I recovered from my illness, the two of them pressed me, and my mom threatened self-harm to get me to tell them who hurt me like that.
They went to the school, which investigated in secret, with no follow up.
I said I did it voluntarily, and no one you could find could find out.
Dad complained to my mom so much that he thought she hadn’t taken care of me.
My mom went crazy and pounced on my dad, angrily scolding my dad for leaving his family behind, causing today’s daughter to be humiliated, and how he had the nerve to turn around and say she wasn’t right.
I thought that they would at least ease their relationship a bit in order to care for me, but I didn’t know that instead, they were each dumping their own pots and pans, which was so disappointing to me.
I looked at them and carefully recalled that he returned from abroad, played basketball well, was tall and handsome, and was able to rehearse English drama.
He has a heterogeneous charm …… This thing, I want to start from the beginning.
The school I went to was one of the best high schools in Beijing.
You know how hard it was.
The parents didn’t get along well.
Once they quarreled, my mom scolded my dad for having a mistress outside, and my dad was so annoyed that he simply slammed the door.
Relatives and friends tried to persuade my mom a few times, but she was stubborn and wouldn’t take advice from anyone.
I heard her reveal that she probably had some kind of evidence in her hand.
That day, my parents sat down calmly to talk, the result was a formal separation.
I followed my mom.
I was the top student in my class.
I was the top student in my class. My mom felt honored when I got good grades, and I was able to escape the pain of an incomplete family for a while.
I began to learn the piano, my mother accompanied me all the way to the lessons, which is a pretty hard process, I learned pretty well, and now I have passed the ninth grade.
At the age of 15, I was admitted to my current high school.
English is my strong point, the teacher let me be the English class representative, and as a member of the living committee, responsible for some of the affairs of the class.
The teacher thought highly of me, and I did my job very seriously.
In the first semester of high school, I noticed a boy in my class, Xiao Guo.
Xiaoguo’s parents had gone abroad for business a few years ago and took him with them, so he had received a foreign education before.
I remember not long after enrolling in school, Xiao Guo had a bad experience with his teacher.
The teacher found out that he was wearing earrings and asked him on the spot to remove them.
He didn’t like it.
“I don’t think it affects other people, I don’t think it’s wrong,” Xiao Guo said, confronting the teacher.
I don’t think it’s wrong.” Xiaoguo contradicted the teacher to his face and was asked to go to the office.
Later, he removed his earrings.
There was always something about him that I couldn’t quite put my finger on. He tried his best to hide his differences from the rest of us, but with just the right amount of flair.
For example, the stationery he used was a brand I’d never seen before; the clothes and shoes weren’t new, but they didn’t look cheap; or the way he tried to recommend his favorite R&B singers to us, a style that none of us listened to and found objectionable.
Despite being a bit out of place, he won us girls over.
He was tall, played basketball well, and had an air of leadership on the court that was rare at our age.
The girls gathered around to cheer him on for every shot and rebound, rather like a fan club.
It was obvious that Guo enjoyed being surrounded by fans, too, and after every beautiful score, he would always give a little wave and roar toward the girls in our class, and we would cheer even louder in return.
2 I first approached him because I wanted to learn pure pronunciation.
It started like this, when the school organized an English speech contest, and Xiao Guo was obliged to participate.
I also signed up.
I went on stage first and thought I did well.
The girl who spoke after me was a very pretty girl with great pronunciation and impeccable content, and she got a high score.
But when Xiao Guo went on stage and spoke, I thought, “Ugh, this is not the same level of competition at all.
Xiao Guo took first place, the girl took second, and I got a participation award.
Afterwards, I approached Xiaoguo and asked him to practice an oral conversation with me every morning.
Xiao Guo didn’t say yes, he said, “I’ve been practicing English scripts with someone else lately ……” I asked if I could participate, and Xiao Guo hesitated and told me to give it a try.
Although it didn’t accomplish what I had hoped for in terms of one-on-one practicing, it was progress, and I was still quite happy.
But in retrospect, I can’t imagine how I didn’t realize that this one little thing opened Pandora’s Box.
After school in the afternoon I followed Xiao Guo to the experimental building.
There was an unused room in the building, which Xiao Guo borrowed from the school for a while on the pretext of training and rehearsing for an English drama.
When we entered, there were already three people inside.
Two of the girls I hadn’t seen before, but I knew the other one, the pretty girl who won second place in the speech contest.
When the pretty girl saw me behind Xiao Guo, she frowned and clasped her hands on her chest, as if to ask what this unattractive girl was doing here.
She was suspicious, even with some sort of intentionally obvious agitation and an offended demeanor, her eyes looking me up and down and moving back towards Xiao Guo.
Xiao Guo spread his hands, shrugged, and said, “Yuqing wanted to improve her speaking and asked me if she could join, so I asked her to come and have a look first.
‘ The pretty girl continued to be haughtily silent, staring at me.
I was indeed intimidated by her look at first, and didn’t dare to look her squarely in the eye; my eyes wandered diffidently around her to the blackboard, where there was another long set of chemical molecular formulas, with the two colors of white and red chalk intertwined, and I tried to recall which compound the set of molecular formulas was for, but I still couldn’t remember.
I turned my eyes back to the pretty girl.
Her long hair was obviously permed, which was expressly forbidden in school, but she had used some trickery that was not obvious from a distance, and only a girl could see that kind of care.
She had also trimmed her eyebrows and applied a bit of very lightly colored lip gloss.
Smelling hard, there seemed to be some perfume left, but I couldn’t tell what it was.
I was interested in taking a closer look at her outfit, but the stalemate was broken a moment later when the pretty girl gave a pretentious guffaw, tilted her head and said, “Come on, we’re waiting, don’t waste time.
“The next scene was very bad.
They were rehearsing a scene from Oedipus, with Xiao Guo as Oedipus and the pretty girl as Iocasta, and I was assigned the role of Iocasta’s maid.
I took the script and the few lines that belonged to me were in contempt.
Not only could I not read half the words, my pronunciation was a joke compared to theirs.
The pretty girl interrupted me at the very first line, questioning in a loud voice, “We’re doing a play, not reading from a textbook, so can you feel a little bit of agency?
“In that moment it was as if she was really the king’s wife and I was just a humble maid.
It took almost two hours of rehearsal for the two short acts, and it was too much of an ordeal.
The pretty girl had no qualms about being blunt and saying that I was like a small child who had barged onto the stage and stumbled into the toddler scene, hard enough to ruin the play.
She even thought I was deliberately coming in to mess things up, wasting time, slowing down the pace, and spoiling her mood.
I wasn’t exactly smart, but how could I not understand the source of this hostility.
The other two girls must have been her followers all along, and in order to get close to Xiao Guo, she came up with the trick of rehearsing the play and piggybacked the two of them.
But what I don’t understand is, with such a big gap between me and the pretty girls, what need does she have to make me a rival.
Putting aside my decent grades, I was just an ordinary girl from an unexceptional family, and apart from a little bit of piano expertise, what else could I boast about?
When I was leaving, Xiao Guo caught up with me and said, “Don’t be angry, she didn’t mean to target you, you performed well, and it’s inevitable that you will stumble in your first rehearsal, so don’t take it personally.
Don’t take it personally. I’ll call out to you at the next rehearsal.
“He patted me on the head, his intimate gesture made me freeze for a moment, and I felt my cheeks burning a little.
Next time, I asked myself, will I come next time?
3 Rehearsals were off and on, but I stuck it out.
Then we switched to the music classroom for rehearsals, and Xiao Guo gave me the added task of playing the piano soundtrack when I didn’t need to appear.
After taking over this task, the girl’s attitude towards me eased a little.
I was happy to take part in such activities, and every week I looked forward to the two days of rehearsal.
By the time April rolled around, Xiao Guo and I were getting closer as fast as I could see; we’d eat boxed lunches together, discuss homework, and troll the teacher together.
That pretty girl only showed her presence during rehearsals, and the rest of the time she seemed to completely fade out of Xiao Guo’s life, and I couldn’t help but be pleased.
After one of the rehearsals, Xiao Guo accompanied me out of the school gate, and he pulled out a small box from his bag and gave it to me, “A birthday present for you.
” My eyes lit up and my heart skipped a beat.
Apprehensively, I took it, it was a small square box with plain packaging, heavy and heavy.
I asked him how he knew my birthday.
Xiao Guo said, “Do you girls have any secrets from each other, I just asked my classmates and they knew.
“I asked him what was in it.
Xiao Guo laughed and said, “You can open it at home.” On the way home, I couldn’t wait to unpack it.
It was a piano-shaped music box, and when it was wound up, it tinkled and played “For Alice”.
I hurriedly put it in my bag, looked around, no one was paying attention to me, and there was a constant ding-dong sound coming from my bag.
It wasn’t the first time I had received a birthday present from a boy, but it was the first time I had received a present from a boy I loved.
I put it on my desk, and before I went to bed, I wound up the music box again and fell asleep to the sound of the ding-dong.
Two days later, I went to the bookstore and bought a book of Shelley’s poems.
On the title page, I copied these lines: When a lamp is broken, its light is extinguished in the dust; when the clouds of the sky are scattered, the splendor of the rainbow fades away; if the lute breaks its strings, the beautiful music falls silent.
When no one was in the classroom, I slipped it into Xiao Guo’s desk.
Xiao Guo was a bit surprised when he found the book of poems and opened it to read the title page.
I watched him with my residual gaze.
When Xiao Guo looked up at me, I turned away and smiled lowly.
He could recognize my writing; he knew it was from me!4 In early May, the play was performed at the school-wide literary festival.
That day I was on my guard, carefully applying makeup, putting on a borrowed costume, and pacing backstage, memorizing the script.
The pretty girl was unconcerned, swiping her cell phone to take a selfie and asking me if I wanted to take a picture together, I refused, but she still put me in the shot and clicked a few shots.
We went on stage in a messy hurry and made a few mistakes in the middle of the show, but luckily it was all in English, so no one was applauding because they didn’t understand much of it.
Xiao Guo was so happy, he said he’d treat us to a hot pot and a sing-along.
I called my mom and told her that we would be doing a group activity after the show, so I might be late.
Mom demanded that I had to be home by 12.
A group of us ate hot pot and sang in the KTV for a while. My voice is not in good condition and I can only sing some familiar songs.
The pretty girl is a microphone, and Xiaoguo chorus of a few songs to get the applause of the audience.
They even coaxed the two of them to drink a cup of wine.
I really envied them for getting along so well.
At the end of the show, Xiao Guo sent a few girls to the car.
The pretty girl was about to get into the car and looked at me beside Xiao Guo and asked suspiciously, “Xiao Guo, shouldn’t you send her home?
“Xiao Guo said, “What are you jealous of, her home is quite far, first take the bus and then take a taxi, you do not care about it first go.
“The pretty girl walked away with a heavy heart and poked her head out of the car window to look at us, making me feel uncomfortable.
Xiao Guo took the initiative to hold my hand and said, “Let’s take a walk.
‘ I struggled to free myself a few times, and he had absolutely no intention of letting go, so I went along with it.
His hand was warm and strong, and my palms were sweaty.
When we arrived at the entrance of a neighborhood, Xiao Guo invited me to sit at his house.
I refused at first, but I couldn’t resist his plea.
His parents were away and hadn’t returned.
Xiao Guo said he wanted to show me his room.
I tiptoed upstairs to his bedroom.
He closed the door and hugged me hard.
I tried to turn away, but he looked at me with passionate eyes.
I told him, no, no, I’m not that kind of casual girl …… Isn’t she more like you, aren’t you boyfriend and girlfriend?
He saw me struggling hard, first loosened his hand, and pretended to be relaxed and said, “Yu Qing …… I am with you because I like you.
Do you know how fierce she pestered me?
But I don’t like that kind of outgoing girl at all.
” I know that he is telling the truth in every word.
That pretty girl was like an enemy of life and death every time she saw me, and even if I hadn’t seen it, I could have guessed how much she used to cling to Xiao Guo.
They sang so well together that it obviously wasn’t the first time they sang together.
In that moment, I suddenly felt like I’d lose him forever, and that he’d have more and better girls surrounding him after he lost me.
I ran out of ideas, and the door that had been opened was left for me to gently close.
I sighed and reached out to hug him.
5 I didn’t get home until nearly twelve that night.
My mom blamed me for coming home too late.
I looked at the music box on the table and slumped down and secretly cried.
I felt like a very, very bad girl. The strange thing was that I didn’t think Xiao Guo was bad at all; instead, I thought he did it because he really loved me.
I thought people who loved each other would do that. Isn’t love supposed to be a tangle of pain and joy.
Oedipus also tasted the bitter fruit of love and fate, is not it.
Later Xiao Guo invited me to play and go shopping, but I refused on the pretext that I had to prepare for my piano exam.
He became cold to me and could be seen pairing up with pretty girls at school.
I realized that my first love only lasted for a short while, and then vanished like a bubble.
I was so sad.
I never felt I was good enough for Xiao Guo, and I wasn’t surprised that he chose the pretty girl, but I didn’t think Xiao Guo was the kind of bad guy who toyed with girls, and I wasn’t so blind as to not be able to recognize people to such an extent.
But he acted as if nothing had happened, and then turned around and went on a date with a beautiful girl, and this kind of unconcerned behavior was simply cold.
Later, Xiao Guo left the country.
If I don’t talk about it, if Xiao Guo doesn’t talk about it, no one will know.
I don’t want to talk about it, not because he wasn’t at fault, but I’ve always blamed it on my indulgence, my ignorance and impulsiveness that led to this.
I stepped into a vortex when I wasn’t ready to fall in love, and instead of falling in love, I was fighting someone for something.
Just when I thought I had it in the bag, fate slapped me in the face.
“When a lamp is broken, its light is extinguished in the dust; when the clouds of the sky are scattered, the splendor of the rainbow fades away; if the lute breaks its strings, the beautiful music falls silent.
“I did not copy the last two lines of Shelley’s poem at the time; I was afraid that writing them would portend a bad result.
Whenthelipshavespoken,Lovedaccentsaresoonforgot. (Ifthelipshavespoken,Lovedaccentsaresoonforgot.
) A prophecy.
This may be the very thing I suffer from, the last thing I want to face, but it happens to be the bitter fruit that I deserve.
