What should I do if I can’t find anything to talk about after 15 minutes of chatting with a girl I like?

What should I do if I can’t find anything to talk about after 15 minutes of chatting with a girl I like?

Doing anything requires skill, and chatting with girls is no exception.

What can you do to open up a conversation quickly?

The first basic tip is to “open the conversation with routine topics”.

Tip 1: Routine topics In life, when we talk to people we don’t know very well for the first time, we always feel that we don’t know what to say, which puts each other in an awkward atmosphere, and this is when we need to use routine topics to help us open up the conversation.

When using this technique, we need to start with some basic pleasantries.

For example, if the weather is getting warmer, or if it’s a nice day, or if you’ve been busy at work, we need to ask simple, specific questions.

In other words, we need to directly ask “You’ve been working a lot lately, haven’t you?

In other words, we should directly ask “Have you been busy at work lately?” instead of asking “How have you been?

In other words, we need to ask “Have you been busy at work lately?” instead of “How have you been?”, because simple and direct questions will greatly reduce the difficulty for the other person to answer and make him less tense.

After establishing a relaxed atmosphere, we can slowly go deeper and choose some other routine topics.

For example, “Friends or coworkers often come to you to discuss things, don’t they? I feel like you have a quality that people rely on.

“Or, ”Recently, the things you’ve been looking forward to haven’t been going so well, and you’re a little frustrated that they’re taking longer than you thought, so don’t worry, just keep doing them.

“When we talk about routine topics, we don’t need to care too much about the presumed results, because cold reading is to accumulate routine topics and build a channel for the other person to make a positive response, and this principle is called ‘channelization principle’.

This principle is also used in some small games in daily life. There is a game where a person says “rat” ten times in a row.

When another person asks, “What is a cat afraid of?

Then when another person asks, “What are cats afraid of?”, he will reflexively say, “Mice! However, we all know that mice are actually afraid of cats.

From this example, it is easy to see that when people do the same thing over and over again, their thoughts will be unconsciously biased in one direction or another.

So by accumulating affirmative responses through routine topics during a conversation, the other person’s mind will establish a channel to affirm and accept what you say.

In addition to the routine topics mentioned in our example just now, there are other routine topics to choose from and learn from, such as “Sometimes you have a tendency to procrastinate a little bit because you are afraid of trouble,” and “You are an affectionate person, but not very good at expressing yourself.

So sometimes you may be misunderstood or give a cold impression”, or ‘Although you intentionally hide it, I can still see that you have quite high expectations for this matter in your heart’.

The choice of routine questions can be improved according to the different situations you are facing. Intentional accumulation will help you form your own set of routine topics, because even professional psychiatrists and counselors need to have a certain amount of diagnostic experience before they can establish their own routine topics.

Tip 2: Use Negative Questioning The second basic tip for cold reading is to skillfully use negative questioning.

What do I mean by a negative question?

It’s something like, “Don’t you have something in mind about ……?

“, ”Don’t you realize something like ……?

“, ”Isn’t it ……?

“, such sentences can quietly express their own speculation, if you guess wrongly it is just an insertion topic that won’t be noticed at one time, but once you guess correctly, it will impress the other party, immediately raise her interest, and make her feel that you understand her.

Someone did an experiment on a dozen women, the first time they met, he all cocked his head, pretending to be a little incomprehensible to ask: “En …… you’re not left-handed?” Almost every one of them did not hesitate to answer clearly: “No, I am accustomed to the right hand.

After that, she simply said, “That’s right.” and nodded in agreement.

After that, she simply said, “That’s right,” and nodded her head in agreement, and the conversation continued without a single person asking, “Why do you ask?” Even if someone did ask, they just replied, “It’s nothing, it’s just that all the people I’ve met lately are left-handed, and I can’t believe that’s not the case today.

“It won’t affect the rest of the conversation at all.

However, if the person is really left-handed, they will almost always be surprised and ask, “How did you know that? At this time, the communication between each other will be familiarized immediately.

Therefore, in the exchange of some negative questions, as long as you guess one, you can quickly grasp each other’s heart.

The third basic skill of cold reading is the skillful questioning method.

In everyday life, if you directly ask a person: “Where do you live?

“The other person will usually be alerted, wondering ”Why do you ask that?

“But if you ask them, ”Do you live in Haidian District?

But if you ask them, “Do you live in Haidian District?”, they will usually be less defensive and say, “No, I live in Dongcheng District.

“This is the skillful questioning method we are going to talk about. Usually, if you give a clear answer and let the other person correct it, you will get the true information unconsciously.

Because people will subconsciously want to correct what others say wrong, it is less likely that they will be distracted from wondering why the other person said what they did.

Simply put, the key to mastering the skillful questioning method is to not let the other person realize that you are asking a question.

What would you do if you went to a dance or sorority event and wanted to get to know someone you were meeting for the first time?

Most people try to find common ground, because if they have common interests, friends, etc., they can open up quickly.

So, how do you find common topics? Ask questions like “What are your interests?” “What do you do on vacation?” “What kind of music do you listen to? Although you can find some connection with such generalized questions, you may seem to be in a hurry and put an invisible pressure on the other person.

You might want to try a subtle question and say, “You seem to like black music?” “This time, the other person will easily reply, ”Huh? Is that so? Actually, I like Taylor Swift’s songs more.

“Then you can find out about the person’s taste in music and continue the conversation.

This way, you don’t give off the impression that you’re desperately trying to find common ground, but you can still ask for the information you want to get.

Tip 4: Expanding/Narrowing StatementsThe fourth tip of cold reading is expanding or narrowing statements to turn things that aren’t said into things that are said, which can mostly help us narrow down the conversation.

We’ve talked before about how people are always a little more self-focused, so naturally they’re also more focused on their troubles, so if we want to go deeper, we can slowly shift the focus of the conversation to this aspect of life’s troubles.

The next question is how we should guess the other person’s worries.

At this time we need to use the method of expanding or narrowing the statement to target the other person’s worries.

In fact, all of life’s worries are in four areas: relationships, money (including all the abundance), dreams and goals, and health.

For example, all problems at work can be categorized as “money”, “interpersonal relationships”, “dream goals”: a bad job, layoffs, or problems with co-workers or supervisors; if it’s a relationship problem, of course, the category of “interpersonal relationships” applies, which can be applied to the relationship with parents and relatives, romantic relationships, work relationships, and so on; if you’re in a depressed mood lately, can’t find motivation, or are very confused and unmotivated, then you should try to find a way to pinpoint the other person’s problems. If you are depressed, unmotivated, or confused, then it is a “mental health” problem.

Do you see? Almost all worries and doubts apply to one of these four scopes.

We can pinpoint the other person’s worries by simply using the ‘expanding/narrowing statement’ method to surmise which category the main worries fall under, and then gradually test the waters.

In practice, we can ask the person we are talking to, “Have you been having health problems lately?

“If the other person replies ‘No, I’m very healthy ……’, you can expand the scope of health and lead the other person to mental health issues, asking them ”Really? Isn’t mental health a bit difficult to grasp? “At this point, the other person will naturally follow your words and say, ”Ah, yes, I’ve had some stress at work lately.

I’ve been under a lot of pressure at work lately ……”.

When using this technique, we should also pay attention to observe the other party’s reaction, try to make their own rhetorical questions, questioning, not moving, with a relaxed and not too concerned about the tone of voice to guide the other party, do not forget that you are guiding the other party to speak out his problems, rather than really in the “fortune-telling”.

Tip 5: Skillful Prophecy Next, let’s talk about the last basic skill of cold reading: skillful prophecy.

If a mind reader is only talking about the past or present, you will inevitably wonder if he has secretly investigated.

But if he predicts something in the future and it comes true, won’t you trust him more?

So at the end of a conversation, you may want to give a clever prediction, not only to make the other party feel unfulfilled, but also to let him invisible feel that you care about him, and can be buried for the next time we meet a good topic for the ambush, because the more important thing is the relationship between you have how to progress.

So how exactly should we go to predict the future?

In fact, if you pay attention, it is not difficult to find in our lives some prophecies are impossible not to be allowed, this kind of prophecy is usually a wide range, and only in the said when you suddenly remember the existence of this prophecy.

For example: “In the near future, someone you haven’t contacted for a while will suddenly contact you.

“This prophecy first gives a very vague timeframe, ‘recently’ could be a few weeks or a few months.

It is also difficult to define “no contact for a while”, because if you are good friends, even if you haven’t contacted them for a week, you may feel that it’s been a while. Moreover, “contact” actually includes many forms, such as phone calls, WeChat, emails, chance encounters, and even a like in the circle of friends, you may feel that it’s a kind of contact.

The focus of cold reading: character judgment In life, we will talk about horoscope, blood type and so on, we will feel that different horoscopes and blood types will have different character characteristics, we usually feel that Pisces people are sensual and kind, Leo people are overbearing and self-confident, and Capricorn people are serious and rigorous, which is in fact a kind of simple character categorization, and similar to belong to the classification of the character of a variety of psychological tests, “MBTI”, which is widely used in career testing, and so on. Similarly, there are various psychological tests and “MBTI” indicators widely used in career tests.

Cold Reading introduces a simple and easy-to-use method of character analysis, which is also the key to mastering Cold Reading, the We/Me type, that is, the “We and Me” classification method.

This classification is based on the E/P theory advocated by John Karpas, a hypnotherapist in Southern California, and was optimized by Hiroyuki Ishii in his practice of psychotherapy to form the “We and Me” classification.

This classification divides people into two types, the “I” type and the “We” type.

Among them, “we” types think, feel and act in terms of “us”.

They are able to advance their interactions to the intimacy stage more quickly, place more emphasis on harmony, and do not resist talking in front of people even in unfamiliar situations.

People of this type show a lot of emotion and change their moods relatively quickly, but they basically forget all about it once they get up from sleep, no matter how angry or sad they are at the time.

Because We-types, or “us” types, emphasize “us”, they tend to choose jobs that involve direct contact with people, such as salespersons, teachers, and nurses.

They demand a sense of oneness in interpersonal relationships, emphasizing the need for everyone to be able to unite and work hard.

When it comes to relationships, they also believe that there shouldn’t be any concealment between lovers, and that sharing everything is love.

However, because they place too much importance on “we”, “we” types don’t have much of their own opinion, so they can be indecisive at times.

These people are easily trusted and are not very good at refusing people’s requests, and have a bit of a leader’s temperament.

Usually they look like they are strong, but in fact they are a bit fragile inside, and when they are forced to make a big decision, they are sometimes knocked down by the pressure.

Me-types, or “I” types, think, feel, and act on the basis of “self”.

They are usually not talkative, but become more relaxed and talkative in one-on-one conversations or in small groups, and are better able to express themselves.

The “I” type doesn’t like personal conversations very much, but when it comes to work or hobbies, they seem to get excited.

They don’t express their feelings too externally and are quiet.

Due to their lack of conversation, they are often misunderstood as aloof people, but in reality, they feel lonely easily, and will quickly fall in love with someone who greets them cheerfully.

Because “Me” type people value “self”, they are more suitable for independent work, and are inclined to choose that type of work. Specialized work such as engineers, craftsmen, and lawyers …… are very suitable for Me type people.

In terms of interpersonal relationships, they will also pursue “ego” and want to be respected.

To put it in a bad way, they are self-centered and hate to be instructed to do anything, and do not do things they cannot understand. At the same time, once they are able to understand, they will be determined to do it even without encouragement or advice from others.

The “I” type pursues excitement and adventure in love.

Once the desired opposite sex arrives, the previous enthusiasm will suddenly cool down.

Unlike the “We” type, the “I” type will find it troublesome to be relied upon and will slip away.

To put it simply, “I” types think in terms of themselves, while “We” types think in terms of “us”.

So how do you determine whether a person is an “I” or “We” type?

The first method is a quiz, which consists of 15 questions that we can use in a simple test to determine which type of person we are.

The 15 questions include: When you cross your arms, do you hold your left thumb on top or your right thumb on top?

When walking side by side with someone, do you feel more relaxed when they are on your right or your left?

Which side of the body is more prone to injury, the left half or the right half? When being introduced to a friend of a friend, do you quickly gel and talk easily, or are you overly concerned that the other person doesn’t know how to judge you?

When you’re with your lover, do you talk affectionately in front of people as usual, or only when you’re alone?

And so on.

Through these 15 questions, we can determine whether you are a “we” or “me” type of person.

In addition, we can also make a rough classification by appearance: “We” types usually choose to dress more flamboyantly, get along with people relatively easily and happily, and dare to speak loudly in public.

Their body type is usually robust or plump, or at least medium-sized, and there are not many people who are really skinny.

These people have a tendency to carry their bags on their left shoulder, their center of gravity is mostly on their left foot, and most of their injuries are on the left side of their body.

In meeting rooms, movie theaters, and other occasions, from the perspective of the person being observed, most of them sit in the seats on the left side, and when two people sit side by side or in parallel, they like the other person to be on their right hand side; at the same time, in order to make the right forehead appear wide, the parting line of the hair tends to be on his or her own right side.

On the other hand, “I” type people are quite the opposite, preferring traditional and simple clothing.

When with people, they do not like to get too close and will habitually distance themselves a little.

There are many people who are slim, tall and thin and have long necks.

These people have a tendency to carry their bags on their right shoulder, their center of gravity is mostly on their right foot, and most of their injuries are on the right half of their body.

In meeting rooms, movie theaters, and other occasions, most people will sit on the right side of the seat if they have a choice, and when two people are sitting side by side or in parallel, they prefer the other person to be on their left hand side.

In order to make the left forehead appear wide, their hair parting line tends to be on the left.

In addition to this, there is another obvious characteristic, which is that the direction of hair rotation of “I” and “We” types is opposite: the hair rotation of “I” types is clockwise, while the hair rotation of “We” types is counterclockwise.

With these two methods, we can easily determine which personality type a person generally belongs to, and then adopt different communication methods for different personality types.

The best way to get in touch with a “we” type is to appeal to your feelings.

For example, if you tell them, “It’s all thanks to you” or “Everyone is very grateful to you”, they will feel very happy and will be happy to help you solve your problems.

When you are dealing with “we” types, you should pay attention to the fact that when they are talking, you should give affirmation while looking at the other person’s eyes and nodding your head frequently and vigorously to show that you feel the same way.

When chatting, you can also keep asking questions, which can be either small talk or more serious content, as well as provide some sincere advice at the right time.

In communication, you can be comfortable with your own emotions, such as surprise or laughter.

When dealing with “we” types, there are some prohibitions you should be aware of: first of all, you should negate what the other person says.

Be sure not to say things like “but ……” or “but ……”; secondly, don’t talk about things related to character, whether it’s a compliment or a reproach, and don’t say, “With a character like yours… …”; and don’t be obsessed with inquiring about their goals or dreams.

Also, don’t ask them about their goals or dreams, because “we” types like to live in the present and are not very good at thinking about the future.

Don’t reason with this type of people because it will make them feel that you are cold and bureaucratic.

Be especially careful not to badmouth others in front of “We” types, as they may think: “Is he saying the same thing about me behind my back? When we are in contact with “I” types, we should choose to talk about rational things instead of pouring out our feelings.

Because “I” types are motivated by self-actualization, praising them for their work and affirming their abilities will be very flattering to them. Praise and affirmation will stimulate their self-esteem, and their motivation to work will increase.

For example, you can say to them, “You are the only one who can do this job”; on the other hand, if you say to him, “This job is quite simple, you can try to do it”, then you may not be able to boost his motivation.

In your daily interactions, you can also use some details to facilitate communication with “I” types.

For example, you can observe the other person as if nothing has happened and show your concern in time: if the other person looks as if he or she is feeling cold, silently ask the clerk to turn down the air-conditioning a bit.

At the beginning of a conversation, you can start by talking about yourself.

If you start by asking questions, the other person will feel as if he or she is being interrogated.

During the conversation, find out as soon as possible what the other person specializes in and start a conversation about it, show active interest, and be a good listener.

If you are asked about yourself, try to talk about more practical dreams or goals to show that you are practical and passionate at the same time.

Of course, when interacting with “I” types, you should also pay attention to some of the other person’s minefields: firstly, don’t start off by pouring out your weaknesses and seeking sympathy; secondly, don’t just focus on your own words, and always pay attention to the other person to see if he or she is getting bored.

In the course of communication, try to avoid advice or preaching.

In terms of interpersonal distance, don’t just touch such people physically or be overly intimate.

Be especially careful not to show a strong attitude, avoid talking about men and women, as this can easily create confrontation between them, and finally, don’t express your opinion on the physical features or clothing of the “I” type, no matter if it is a compliment or a criticism.

The categorization of “I” and “We” types is very easy to learn and practical. You can start with your friends, try to communicate with them, observe their reactions, and see if this method makes you feel that the communication between you is smoother.

This is all about personality categorization. Next, let’s talk about the practical skills of cold reading in daily life.

Daily Life Practice Tips for Everyday Communication In his book, Hiroyuki Ishii mentions a lot of tips that can be applied in daily life. Let’s take a look at them from three perspectives, starting with the first one, which is about tips for everyday communication.

Do you want to impress others with your compliments?

Hiroyuki Ishii tells us to try “praising the other person’s shortcomings”.

Most people praise others based on what they see on the surface, such as saying to a girl with a good figure, “You have a great body, it’s a shame you’re not a model.

“However, this kind of praise does not have much effect.

Because everyone says it, the girl must have heard many similar compliments, so naturally she won’t be impressed.

If you want to impress the other person, you have to make them think: “This person is different from what other people notice”, and the so-called “shortcoming” is the point that is different from other people’s. Let’s say that Ms. A is a woman who has a good sense of humor.

For example, if Ms. A is a beauty with a good figure but feels a bit arrogant, then when you praise Ms. A, you can say, “I didn’t realize that you are a kind and easy-going person.” Since few people recognize her in this way, she will not only be happy, but she will also think, “This person understands me very well.

In everyday life, how do you quickly get into a pleasant and friendly atmosphere when you first meet someone?

Hiroyuki Ishii mentions the technique of “looking in the mirror,” which is to imitate the other person’s movements as if nothing is happening, because people feel a sense of closeness when they are confronted with the same movements as themselves.

For example, if two people are sitting face to face, and if the other person picks up a coffee cup with his right hand, you pick up your own cup with your left hand, without the other person realizing that you are imitating him, but only if the other person subconsciously senses it, or else he will feel that he has been offended.

In order to prevent being detected, you can with each other action fork in time, after the other person to do this action, wait a little while before imitating.

In this way, even if the other party does not realize, but he subconsciously has involuntarily began to feel close to you and assured.

The second aspect of marriage is communication in marriage.

If you are interested in a person at a social event, how do you attract him or her and find out about his or her ideal lover?

Yuuki Ishii suggests that we use the topic of “pets” to find out what the other person prefers. We can write to the person as if nothing is wrong, “Recently, I’ve been thinking of getting a pet, but what kind of pet would you prefer if it were you?

“After the other person has answered, we can then ask, ”Well, what do you like about it?

“For example, if he says that he likes the freedom and spontaneity of cats, it means that he wants to be seen as a ‘free-spirited’ person, and then we can convert free-spiritedness into another way of complimenting him and impressing him.

Then, we can continue this question by asking him “What kind of pets do you like besides cats?

“ and then ask why, at which point the other person responds with an answer that is close to his ideal image of a lover, at which point you can quickly make a mental assessment of yourself and clarify which direction you should be working toward.

Yuuki Ishii also mentions a technique to help see through an affair or talk – the questioning method.

First, say to the other person very seriously, “I’m only going to ask you one question now, and I won’t ask any more, so please make sure you answer honestly.

“Let the other person feel the pressure, and then, staring into the eyes of the other person, ask: ‘Do you have an extramarital affair?’ If the person simply answers, “No.” then he is telling the truth.

“Then he is telling the truth.

If the other person replies, “Why would you ask that?” or “What did I do?” “Don’t you believe me?

“, there is a high probability that an affair has already taken place.

This is because even a good liar will feel guilty deep down for lying.

If it’s a complicated question, he can still muddle through, but if it’s a simple lie of YES or NO, his heart will inevitably be shaken and he will want to avoid answering.

The person who has a clear conscience usually answers with the question, “What about you?” The person with a weak heart will not have the extra energy to ask because he is trying to avoid the topic.

The third aspect of e-mail communication is online e-mail communication.

The first tip is to try to mention the other person in the e-mail.

Because e-mail is not a real-time communication, we have no way to know the other party’s reaction when we write e-mails, and it is easy to write only about ourselves and forget the other party’s feelings. We have mentioned many times before that people always pay the most attention to themselves, so this e-mail only about ourselves may make the recipient feel very uncomfortable.

Therefore, it is better for us to keep mentioning each other in the e-mail, and one of the easiest ways to do this is – frequent appearance of each other’s names or nicknames, which will make him feel that this is a very close E-mail.

Then, it is also important to pay attention when writing E-mails to two types of people: “we” type of people and “I” type of people.

When you write an e-mail to a “me” type of person, it’s best to keep it simple and clear, and only write about the important things. When you write an e-mail to a “we” type of person, you should pay attention to full of feelings, and you can lengthen the beginning of the e-mail, and then write about the important things at the end of the e-mail, and you can use emoticons or colorful words to express your feelings.

You can also use emoticons or colorful text to express your mood. Also, when writing a work e-mail, you can start with a request and then write something flattering.

If you write flattering words first and then the request, the other party will feel comfortable reading the first half of the e-mail, but when they read “I have a favor to ask of you today ……”, they will immediately think that “what I wrote earlier was just a flattery to get me to accept his request”.

But if it is the other way around, although the request at the beginning makes the other person feel unhappy, when he sees the flattering words at the end, he will feel better, and this good mood will become an impression that stays after reading the letter, and he will be more likely to agree to your request.

These are some of the actual use of cold reading skills, these skills are cold reading applied to daily life and communication practice, can make us more smoothly communicate with others.

Finally, let’s be clear: the most important thing in communication is sincerity, cold reading is just a means to help us express ourselves better and promote communication and exchange, don’t put the cart before the horse.