Are you guys tired of being in a relationship?
I’ve been with my boyfriend for 7 years and I licked it.
I’m allergic to seafood, but as long as he peeled the shrimp for me, I’d happily finish it and go to the hospital alone to get an IV.
In other people’s eyes, I’m a high-strung person, but with him, I take the initiative every time.
But recently, I suddenly realized that I don’t love him anymore.
This feeling is very wonderful, that is, day and night living in your side of the lover, you look at him, the heart can no longer rise any waves, before he can make you any small move of the ear red heart can no longer shake you the slightest bit, you look at him, like looking at the road, any one of the A, B, C and D. But I did not show the slightest bit, but I did not show the slightest bit.
But I did not show the slightest, I still take good care of him, breakfast prepared at seven in the morning on the dining room table, a cup of cold water on the nightstand just warm, the bathroom has squeezed the toothbrush of toothpaste, before I left, I used the remote control to hit the air conditioning temperature is too low slightly upward a little, and then stood in the bedroom doorway and he said: “I’ll be going to work first.
“He sank his whole face into the snow-white mattress and gave a confused hmmm, and I turned around and left.
Recently I took over a new project, the whole team is busy, and when dealing with the preliminary details of the program look at the time, has been nearly one in the morning.
I suddenly realized that for the entire day, I hadn’t thought of him once.
This is not normal, I remember when I just graduated, that time to follow the university graduated a long time a senior to do activities, is also the same, often busy until late at night, but I will send a message every hour and he reported my dynamics, more than six o’clock I will tell him that I’m probably busy tonight to what time, so that he does not wait for me, etc., even if later together for a long time, the night is too busy, I will report to him.
But today I didn’t think of him once, I opened WeChat and looked at it, he sent me a message at 7:00 or so, asking me when I was going to reply, I didn’t see it.
I never took more than three minutes to reply to his messages.
I rubbed my phone, hesitated, or did not return him this message.
Walked out of the company’s front door before I saw him, his posture is elongated leaning in front of his big G, the silhouette in the darkness is firm, lowered his head to look at the cell phone, a touch of scarlet on the side of his mouth flickered in the darkness, he began to smoke again.
In fact, I hate him to smoke, his father died of liver cancer, when we first started together, I always control him, do not let him smoke, he every time is to raise his eyebrows, the corner of his mouth slanting out a smirk arc looking at me, and then smoked as usual.
I can’t control him, I know.
Inside love, it is always the one who loves the most who is more humble.
This relationship was out of balance from the beginning, I put myself too lowly, so I couldn’t control him.
I slowly approached, he should be thinking about something, he was very absorbed in his thoughts, he didn’t notice me even when I walked up to him, I asked in a warm voice, “Why are you here.
“He snapped back to attention, and then a little panicked to remove the corner of the mouth of the cigarette, crushed at the foot of the extinguished, I realized that the ground a ground of cigarette butts, I do not know how many he smoked, habitually want to persuade him to smoke less, moved his lips, or did not say it.
I realized in despair that I didn’t want to care about him anymore.
He looked at me for a while, as if waiting for something, his eyes in the darkness as if there are streams of light crossing, and then return to the dust and darkness, he smoked too many cigarettes, so his voice is a little hoarse, he said: “I’m coming to pick you up.
He said, “I came to pick you up.” After a pause, he added, as if somewhat aggrieved, “You didn’t reply to my message.
“I pretended to take out my cell phone and looked at it, then said: “Too busy, did not see.
“He didn’t say anything, and pulled open the car door for me to get in.
This is not before the thoughtfulness, I for him, get too easy, love is too humble, I think for him, the most certain thing is probably I will never leave him.
So the beck and call, come and go, this kind of overtime to late at night to pick me up things, in addition to the middle of the time he felt guilty, and never again.
2 on the car I leaned against the window looking out the window whizzing past the lights out of mind, the whole car silence, I remembered the past, he is actually a little cold, before the two people alone, I would have been looking for a topic to tease him to talk, he occasionally hmm two replies to me, but now I’m tired.
After a while of silence, he asked me, “Have you eaten?
” I hmmmed and didn’t ask him if he had eaten.
When he woke me up I realized I had fallen asleep at some point, he frowned at me and added, “You’ve been tired lately, right?
If you’re tired, rest for a while, it’s okay if you don’t take that shift, I’ll support you, right?
“I didn’t say anything.
In the past, when I was too tired, I was the one who asked him this question. At that time, his business was on the right track, I was exhausted all day long, and the factional fights in the company were exhausting, so once I came back from an overtime shift, I hugged him around the waist and pampered myself, and asked him, “Can I quit my job and come back, so that I can give you a chance to support me?
” He laughed, brushed aside the subject and patted my head, saying, “Little Wang, little Wang, go for it.
” Later I never asked this kind of silly words, now he said, I looked up at him and smiled, did not say anything.
As he used to be.
I used to be really very much in love with him, love to the side of the friends are at first glance, seems to tease seems to seriously advise me: “Xi, you do not fall too deep.
“But I was like a moth that crashed into the flame, from the first time I met him I knew that I could not get better.
I met Song Daiyan when I was a sophomore, I had only heard of his name before, he is the man of the hour in A University, diffuse and careless temper and handsome face let him popular with the school girls, it is said that his girlfriends are as many as the river of crucian carp, and in the end I can win to sit in the seat of the palace, I thought for a long time, can only be attributed to fate.
Fate let him just in his life the most difficult time met me, fate let him just in that period of time convergence of the heart, fate just let him that period of time no longer met the second like me so good to him fool.
So I became his girlfriend and have been divided and entangled for seven long years since then, shocking off my jaw and that of his friends around him.
According to one of his friends, it was that we were not in the same world at all.
I am a very clear goals of people, excellent grades, every step of life I have a reasonable plan, he is not the same, he is careless about all things, always a step is a step of the people, never see him on what things have been on the heart.
He was not only careless, but also philandering, wandering in the world of flowers and plants, leaves on the body but never on the heart.
Oh, no, he did.
When I met him, he had just ended his last relationship, and even though Song Daiyan and I had been together for seven years, Gu Shanshan was the only ex whose name made me feel like an enemy.
I think it’s the only girl he’s ever been in love with.
The first time I ran into Song Daiyan was at a club activity, he was half leaning on the club’s doorframe, playing with his cell phone, the profile of his side face was like a knife carving, I couldn’t help but to look at him a little more, next to me a schoolgirl half envious, half sighing, she said: “It’s Song Daiyan, he should be waiting for his girlfriend,” I followed her chin and poked her head in the direction of the doorframe, she said: “It’s Song Daiyan.
“I followed the direction of her chin to look at the past, a tall and long curly back, did not see the face, but I think it should also be beautiful.
The second time I met him was late at night outside the school, I represented the school to participate in a university competition in Beijing, after the event I rushed back to the school, it was late at night, and the rain was pouring down, I got out of the cab in the rain and ran wildly towards the school gate, and then I met him in front of the school.
At first I didn’t recognize him, a dark shadow leaning against the corner of the school wall, I hesitated, opened the rear light of the phone and walked over to take a look, it was his unconscious leaning against the corner, the rain washed his hair wet, pasted on his forehead, no more arrogant and careless temperament, but it looks a little pathetic.
Probably the color makes you dizzy, see him I even the last trace of hesitation are gone, I called a cab, sent him to the hospital.
He drank too much wine, rainstorms and caused a high fever, and then I often joke with him, saying that his life is my retrieval.
I don’t know if I got it back or not, I only know that I almost put my life on the line.
I kept watch that day until he woke up, his eyes were a little confused, I stood at the side of his bed and smiled, and said to him: “Song senior hello, I’m Wang Xi, last night’s medical expenses totaled two thousand four hundred and fifty-six yuan, the taxi fare is one hundred and forty-seven yuan, plus a WeChat you transfer to me?
” He back to God slightly narrowed his eyes and smiled, that kind of careless temperament came back, the heartbeat of my fascination like thunder drums.
He stayed in the hospital for seven days, every day I gave him chicken soup, sent to the day he was discharged from the hospital, he finally remembered my name, and then hooked the corners of his lips and smiled, asked me: “Are you chasing me.
“The sunlight filtered in through the oversized window, and I could see the tiny dust particles in the air. I pretended to be calm and asked him, “Can you just see it?
“Then I chased him for six months and three days, and on the fourth day, it was Christmas, and we were having dinner together at an off-campus restaurant, and I was concentrating on peeling shrimp for him when I heard him say, “Wang Xi, let’s be together.
“My shrimp-peeling hand gave a long pause, but in the end, I didn’t look up and continued to peel shrimp while whispering back, “Sure.
“It was a very insignificant and uneventful start.
He did not mention like, did not mention feelings, a light sentence together, I was willing to run towards him as if it were a good thing.
But at that time is really very happy ah, happy after dinner I took a taxi to the hospital alone to play an hour of IV.
Because I am allergic to seafood.
It is really full of joy ah.
3 the next day woke up already eight o’clock in the morning, I rarely wake up so late, probably because of the previous night is too tired, when I woke up the rules of lying on my back, even if the cover, or feel a little cold.
He is very afraid of heat, the air conditioning temperature in the house is always hit to the lowest, just live together, I have not been accustomed to, often woke up in the middle of the night by freezing, and then wrapped in the quilt to his arms, hands and feet climbed up, like hugging a stove.
He was very impatient at first, because he was not used to this sleeping position, every time I drilled through, he pushed me away impatiently, but it did not take long for me to unconsciously snuggle over, so I was often pushed awake by him several times a night, but I could not change, and then he got used to it.
But lately, I don’t know what’s going on, it’s been about four or five months since I realized that it was waking up one morning.
Suddenly I realized that I hadn’t woken up in his arms in a long time, and every night when I was confused and felt cold, I just tried to curl myself up as much as I could.
Even though he was right next to me, even though I could feel a heat source not far away, even though it was in the dazed unconsciousness of sleep, I hadn’t, indeed, rolled up next to him again for a long, long time.
That’s really not a good sign.
Today it was a rare day when he got up before me, bare feet on the carpet falling noiselessly outside, and saw him hiding on the balcony smoking a cigarette, his brow furrowed on such an early morning, probably preoccupied with something, that face still as handsome as it had been when I first saw it, and I looked at it intently for half a day, and then realized that my own heart was calm and unruffled.
He seemed to feel my line of sight, holding a cigarette and I looked at each other, two people across a layer of glass, not far away from the silent confrontation, until he held in the corner of the mouth of the cigarette ash into a long cut, he took down and pressed in the ashtray.
After the smoke had dissipated for a while, he came in, and I said casually, “It’s better to smoke a little less.
“He was silent for a long time, I heard him low hmph, and when I brushed my teeth out, he had already bought breakfast back, across the neighborhood there is a distance from the baozi store, he said that the baozi is the best, I used to buy it every day for him.
I asked him what filling, he said two crabmeat, two lobster, this is I often buy him the flavor, I silently will pick up half of the buns put back, he was a little surprised, silent eyebrow raised to ask me, I was really a little tired, a sudden surge of tiredness, I said: “I’m allergic to seafood.
“In fact, now it has been much better, probably because of these years to him peeled too many shrimp and crab, the body has been antibodies.
I have endured the past for so many years, but now all of a sudden, those things that I was willingly able to endure all the time before, I suddenly can’t endure anymore.
He looked at me, gazing at me for a long time, and I thought that if he had looked at me intently like this before, I would have already wrapped my arms around him and kissed him on the lips.
With a slight movement in his expression, he raised his hand, probably to touch my head, or my cheek, and my body reacted before my consciousness, and I took a hasty step back, avoiding his hand.
His hand stayed awkwardly in mid-air, and I saw him turn his head sideways very quickly to take a deep breath, and when he turned his head again he was already calm, and he said, “I’ll go back down and buy whatever filling you like.
“All of us maintained the calm and illusion of peace and quiet, I said, “No, I’ll go to the kitchen and fry an omelette.
” He didn’t say anything, and I saw his hand, which was hanging down at his side, had clenched into a fist; he wasn’t a good-tempered person, and I’d seen him get angry at people before.
Once when I was in college, I met a lewd man, that time he almost killed someone and lost a lot of medical bills at that time.
Later, when he graduated and just started his own business, he held his tongue for a while, and then when his business got bigger, there wasn’t much that he could do in front of him, and he generally went along with more of his people.
Just when I thought he was going to burst out, he suddenly laughed out, and then said in a warm voice: “Good, we will go out shopping together later, the season is about to change, a lot of things in the house to re-add.
“To be honest, I was actually a little disappointed when he held back his temper.
We have been together for seven years, our personalities and temperaments are familiar with each other, he must have noticed my perversity and indifference, and I actually hoped that he would start to get angry and then point at me and ask, “What’s wrong with you, can you tell me?
Then I could logically say, “I don’t love you anymore, let’s break up.” Unfortunately, he didn’t ask.
“Unfortunately, he didn’t ask, so I didn’t say anything.
In the afternoon, we went to the supermarket together, I have always been interested in shopping in the supermarket, because of this and he pushed the shopping cart together to buy household goods, really like an ordinary couple.
In the past, when I was shopping with him in the supermarket, I could not wait to spend the whole day with him in the supermarket, every three steps I would ask him: “Is this good?
I would ask him every three steps, “Does this look good?” “This one is so cute for the kitchen.
“Look at that, let’s buy a couple toothbrush cups together, it’s so cute! “This would look great in the entryway.” He got tired of shopping.
At the end of the day, he was so annoyed that he had to yell “shut up” to keep me in check for five minutes.
I can’t control my joy when I’m around him, I want to share what I think is the best with him, and that joy comes from the bottom of my heart, like when I’m around him, no matter what I’m doing, even if I’m just breathing, I feel happy.
Obviously, in the eyes of others, I am also a mature and high-strung person.
But after shopping for half an hour today, I looked at the shopping cart and realized that I hadn’t said a few words to him today and had only purchased a few essentials, so I had already said to him, “It’s all bought, go back.
“On the road he was silent, almost home, he opened his mouth, said: “you recently is not too tired, this project is done, please apply for a yearly leave, we go to Morocco travel, you have not always wanted to go?
“After a pause, he added: “Before I said let you resign I support your words, not a joke.
“Honestly I’m a little depressed, Song Daiyan is actually a pretty thin feelings of people, he is most afraid of the responsibility, but also afraid of the burden, before is afraid of the burden of my feelings, now is afraid of the burden of my life.
Can let him say this sentence to, in the past, I probably have been grateful tears of pain, but now not.
I was surprised for a second and politely rejected him, “No, I like my current job.
“This kind of refusal was too direct and embarrassing, especially since I had refused him only a few times, as if I didn’t realize that Song Daiyan and I had completely switched positions, the one who was absent-minded and careless was me, and the one who was resigned to the fact that he had been holding back all the time was him.
I saw him take a deep breath, I said, he really is not a good-tempered person, but he paused, and then continued to ask in a warm voice: “What about Morocco?
Let’s go on a vacation together when you’re done with this time.
” I smiled with a subtle detached smile and said, “I’ve been there, Song Daiyan, four years ago, I went on a trip alone.
“4 we had a big breakup, in fact, seven years, he and I split up many times, but really say the word breakup, only four years ago that one.
That breakup was very bad, during that time, I almost exhausted all my expectations and enthusiasm for life, and at one time I suspected that I couldn’t go on.
Four years ago, I just started to work, that period of time extremely exhausted, resulting in my and Song Daiyan together, I do not have the energy to accommodate and take care of him, of course, did not find his abnormalities.
For example, he smoked more and more frequently, froze and froze for a longer and longer time, came back later and later, I reacted, it was at a certain time when I returned late from working overtime, and as soon as I opened the door, the lights were on, and he was sitting on the sofa in the living room.
The glass door of the balcony is not open, a room full of smoke, ashtray full of cigarette butts, he reclined on the sofa cushions, the overhead crystal lamp reflected on his body, all the emotions have no place to hide, he said expressionlessly, “We split up.
“He sighed deeply, and then said, “I’m sorry, Sandy’s back.
“I no longer want to recall that period of weightlessness, I am actually an independent and cold person, I used to meet a lot of friends for love, I feel scoffed at, I think the feelings are mutual, only two-way love is meaningful.
In short, love can be no, but dignity and decency must be maintained.
But after Song Daiyan mentioned breakup I became the kind of person I scoffed at the most, it was the feeling of the heart being plucked out hard.
A week I lost more than ten pounds, during which he sent countless messages of humble pleas for peace, without exception, stone sinking.
Later, a friend of mine could not stand to see, a hard slap in my body, hate iron is not steel: “Wang Xi you a little bit out of the line, can not you forget about him to start a new life, you are so dying to live, but now he does not know how to be more dashing and happy, you also try to make yourself happy up not good?
“The tears that I had been holding back for a long time poured out, and I said to her in desperation, “I don’t know whether he is happy or not, but Wo Miu, I know that I will never be happy again.
The only way to make me happy is to go back to the past, to the time when he was by my side. I don’t care if he likes me or not, as long as he is by my side.” “Only then can I be happy.
“That’s the only way I can be happy.”
” Such a no-brainer.
She looked at me for a long time, then inclined her head and wiped her eyes.
Then it took more than 5 months before I was able to go about my normal routine, my friends seemed to think I was recovering, but I was like a rat living in a dark sewer, secretly spying on all their social media platforms.
They traveled together, spent holidays together, he gave her grand surprises, their sweet video pictures together, I hadn’t taken a single picture together in the first three years I was with him.
He doesn’t like to smile, and the photos with Gu Shanshan don’t have a smile, but they have a soft atmosphere, Song Daiyan in the photos, not as careless and perfunctory as he was when he was with me, he looks down at the girl next to him with a soft brow.
This is the kind of treatment I don’t have.
What really hurt me was a social dynamic of Gu Shanshan, she sent a microblog with two photos, the first is a screenshot of the WeChat chat log, that is the WeChat I sent to Song Daiyan after the breakup begging him to come back to me, a very long, very long paragraph, every word and every punctuation mark I trampled my self-respect and decency under my feet, and the second is a photo of Song Daiyan peeling shrimp for her with his head down.
Her caption reads “Hhhhhhh, this is the same guy other girls have their hearts set on.
” followed by a proud micro-emoji.
My world came crashing down at that moment.
I thought for a moment that I would die in that moment, but I pulled through.
After that, I went to Morocco alone.
When I crossed the Sahara Desert, I almost buried myself in the reddish-orange sand dunes.
But I came back.
I returned to the previous state of life, normal sleep, normal socializing, normal work, occasionally someone mentioned a Song Daiyan, I can not care about a smile.
Until Song Daiyan and Gu Shanshan re-separated.
Their personalities are not the kind of people who can be together forever. One is too diffuse and cold, and the other is too arrogant and arrogant, so when a conflict arises, it is impossible for them to compromise with each other to accommodate each other.
Just like the song sung by Yoga Lin, “You and her, did not have what you wanted.
In just half a year, the split began.
My love, remains unchanged.
Even I admire myself.
“So on the twenty-eighth day after he broke up with Gu Shanshan, I sent a message to Song Daiyan, I asked him if he wanted to come out for a drink.
He came.
And then we got back together.
This move shocked all the friends around me, and Wo Miao was righteously indignant, pointing at my nose and scolding me to sober up, even going so far as to wake me up by cutting ties.
I have no choice, I am calm and self-possessed, but I can’t control my heart, I watch expressionlessly as Wo Miu pounded her heart, I said to her: “If I could, I would like to use a knife to pluck out this heart.
“I know it’s not worth it, but I really can’t control myself, Wo Miu.
“I know I’ve been humbled to the dust, but Wo Miu, when he came back to me, I was really happy, I was really happy.
“It wasn’t until Wo Miu came over and wiped the tears from my face with a tissue that I realized I had burst into tears at some point.
Who doesn’t want to be a resolute and dictatorial person, who doesn’t want to stand proudly in a relationship and proudly look down on other people’s true hearts?
Who wants to be pressed in the dust of the heart repeatedly rubbed up again and then sent to the front of that person and then let him trample on?
I don’t want to, but I can’t.
I really have no choice.
As long as there is a chance to stay by his side, I can not care about anything else.
As long as the heart is still beating, I can’t do anything about myself.
5 But I really didn’t expect that one day, my feelings for Song Daiyan would stop beating before my heart did.
I couldn’t find a clue.
I don’t even know when I lost my feelings for him.
In fact, the last few years he has been very good to me, even Wo Miu sometimes look at me will lament a sentence, fortunately that year so difficult also survived, now Song Daiyan is an extremely qualified son-in-law of the golden tortoise, rich and good-looking to other women are still not interested in me, I can be regarded as a veto to come back to life.
I smiled and didn’t say anything.
At first I just thought I was in a burnout period, perhaps because of emotional problems, after this period of time on the line.
I can see Song Daiyan’s careful and extremely tempered, perhaps in addition to Gu Shanshan, he has never been so to accommodate others in his life.
But I see him upset, this situation lasted for some time, the heart soften down is in one of my fever and cold, I am dizzy lying in bed, half woke up when the whole room is silent, I hold the wall hard to endure the dizziness to go out, go to the living room to pour water when I saw him in the kitchen congee.
The elongated body is slightly bent, guarding a casserole dish, whispering, “…… low heat and slow simmering for thirty minutes ……” I drink a mouthful of water and silently go back to the bedroom again.
I don’t know how long he came in and woke me up, there is a familiar takeaway porridge on the table, I didn’t ask, after eating he packed the box a little clumsy, and I don’t know where he touched, gently “hissed”, and I immediately looked up and asked: “What’s the matter?
“He was silent for a moment, and then like a little aggrieved, put his hand up in front of me, a crystal blister on the back of his hand, it should be a burn, he said: “I would have liked to cook congee ……” “Congee?
“He made a subtle pause, and then said, “Cooked inedible, I dumped it in the trash.
“He should be pretending to be pitiful, when he fought with others for Gu Shanshan, the broken bones still did not say a word, now this burn is even less worth mentioning.
But my heart softened strangely, my consciousness came before my actions, I pulled his hand over and blew on it gently, then asked him, “Have you put medicine on it?
‘ His hand stiffened instantly in my palm, and when I didn’t react, he jerked me into his arms, holding me tightly, his jaw at the top of my hair, and he strangled the bones in my body slightly, but I was still, letting him hold me.
After half a second, I heard his voice, low and almost soft, as if he was afraid of waking something up, say, “Hei Hei, just like that, don’t become something I’m not familiar with.
” I was silent and did not answer him.
We seemed to become the same as before, I am good at hiding my emotions, but after this the two of us together, I can no longer tell him and me, whether it is love precipitated or habit, or I am just waiting for a breakthrough to explode.
Such a breakthrough I did not expect to come so quickly, after the end of the second quarter of the project, the team prepared a potluck dinner, want to have a good relaxation.
Before leaving the company I sent him a text message, he often comes to pick me up from work when there is nothing to do recently, the message quickly received a reply, he said: “Okay, I’ll wait for you back at home.
” I looked at the text message, pursed the corners of my lips and smiled gently.
At the end of the dinner, it was nearly eleven o’clock, because the team project has a lot of people, so we booked a private room, from the private room out of the hall, I casually glanced, saw Gu Shanshan.
Gu Shanshan has always been my nightmare, is this woman, she does not see how good, but every time she appeared can make my psychological defense collapsed again and again, I can not help but admit defeat inferiority complex, this is a teenage girl was hurt too deeply resulting in psychological shadow.
Breathing at that moment is actually slightly suffocated, the hotel’s hanging lamps are bright and dazzling, she smiled, is my familiar and unfamiliar look, the line of sight turned slightly, I saw the man sitting opposite her.
My familiarity with Song Daiyan had reached the point where I could sense him even if he breathed five meters away from me, let alone the back of one’s head, and a few hours earlier he had texted me to tell me he was waiting for me at home.
Maybe the impact on me caused only a moment, after understanding the scene in front of me, I strangely awake, those in the bottom of the heart brewing all the emotions instantly disappeared, Gu Shanshan looked up to this side over, saw me froze for a moment, and then nodded slightly at me, haughtily smiled.
I smiled back, then walked over.
Song Daiyan’s face paled for a moment as he looked at me and spoke almost subconsciously, “I didn’t lie to you.
”I calmly said, ”What’s wrong with a gathering of old friends, Miss Gu comes back once in a while, it’s only right for you to be a good host.”
“His expression was strange, as if he didn’t expect me to react this way, his gaze was almost scrutinizing as he looked at me.
I smiled calmly at him again and said, “Do you have the house keys?
I forgot to bring them.
‘ He subconsciously got up, reached for the jacket on the back of the chair, and said, “I’ll go with you.
“I shook my head, “No need, there is no such thing as accompanying someone halfway through a meal, you guys eat first, I’ll go first.
“I don’t know how natural and calm my own expression, it’s strange that this few years ago I heard the name of the woman to be like an enemy, to now see Song Daiyan and her dinner together, I actually really, nothing to think about.
Inside a silence, I even went back to take a shower, even when I fell asleep are not quite clear.
6 again woke up in the middle of the night, the living room sofa a dark shadow, a little scarlet flickering between his fingers, a room of smoke, I choked and coughed twice, and then turned on the light, he sat silently on the sofa, I was shocked, asked him: “Why don’t you go to sleep?
“He did not say anything, I stood in the bedroom doorway and looked at him, he pressed the cigarette in his hand in the ashtray, and then opened his mouth and said: “I really have nothing with her, after you sent a text message she called me, I did not pick up, and then she said that she is going to settle in the United States, this is the last time to come back, and would like to say goodbye.
” I nodded, “Uh, okay, I know.
‘ I opened the floor to ceiling windows in the living room and looked at him and asked, “Why haven’t you showered yet?
” He ignored me and continued, “I was so afraid that you would get the wrong idea, I was thinking about how I was going to explain it to you when I flew all the way back, especially when there were no lights in the house, I thought you were gone, but when I turned on the lights, I saw that you were asleep in the bedroom.
“You were sleeping so soundly that you didn’t even notice when I opened the door.
“He looked up at me, his handsome face a little disheveled, the corners of his eyes scarlet, and he looked at me and said, word for word, “I would have preferred you to be gone in that moment.
” I paused and explained softly, “I’m sorry, I’m just a little tired today ……” “Do you still care about me?
“He interrupted me abruptly and asked directly, “Do you still care about me?
“I don’t know if you’ve noticed, you haven’t been actively looking for me for a long time, you won’t keep nagging me to quit smoking, you won’t accommodate me, you won’t roll into my arms at night when I set the air conditioning temperature lower, have you noticed that I’ve been quitting for three months now?” I was a little short of words for a while.
“I was a little short of words for a moment, I had no way to refute what he said, I didn’t even know the cause of these signs, I didn’t fall in love with the next person, and he hadn’t changed, but I just suddenly changed.
Suddenly I didn’t love him.
He watched me remain silent, then anxiously pulled out a cigarette from the coffee table, after lighting it he seemed a bit anxious, he has always been bad-tempered, he asked me in the few smoke some self-loathing: “What do you really want Wang Xi?
Do you want to break up?
“I was silent for a long time and finally opened my mouth to take his words, I said: “Yes, let’s break up.
“This was the first time I said break up.
His hand will burn the cigarette fell on the table, he stood up extremely vigorously kicked the coffee table, marble made of coffee table was kicked by him diagonally moved away, his red eyes toward me roar: “Well, break up, break up, you when I left you can not?
” and then slammed the door and left, clanging deafeningly, I do not know where to go, probably to the car for the night.
I stood in the same place for an hour, and then began to pack my bags, the next morning when the sun was slightly exposed, I took my things to Ah Wo’s house.
Ah Wo was filled with righteous indignation, pointing at me and asking, “Tell me, tell me, did that grandson hurt you again?
“I didn’t sleep for a night, I was sleepy and dozed off, I shook my head at the words, and said: “Ah Wo, it’s me who agreed to it,” these words have actually flowed through my mind hundreds of times during this period of time, but this is the first time that I said it out loud.
Too tired and a little relieved, like embracing my own self who nearly suffocated four years ago when I buried myself under the red sandy shimmer of the Sahara in despair because I was betrayed.
I finally said, “I don’t love him anymore, Wo, I don’t seem to, I don’t love him anymore.
“She looked at me in a daze, her mouth wide open in surprise, like she was looking at someone she didn’t know.
7 I went back to the Sahara once again, standing in the vast and boundless desert above, received the phone call from Ah Wo, she stammered and asked me: “who came, said to take you back, thin a big circle, look at the strange poor ……” However, she immediately shifted her position and asked, “I knocked him out, when will you come back?
“In the end, as if not dead, and struggled to ask a sentence:” you this time is really finished ah, no possibility?
” I smiled and didn’t say anything.
Later, Ah Wo still betrayed me, I went back to China when I got off the plane, saw Song Daiyan, he did lose a lot of weight, but the spirit is still good, saw me smile, careful and a little nervous look, said: “I came to take you back.
I didn’t make a fuss, and got in the car with him and said, “Thank you, just send me to A-Ho.” He pressed the steering wheel in silence.
“He pressed the steering wheel in silence for a long time before saying, “I was wrong, okay?
“Such a proud person, I think he must not have begged others like this.
I’m really wrong. After you left, the house was empty. I couldn’t stay a minute without you.” He took a deep breath and closed his eyes.
” He took a deep breath, closed his slightly red eyes, pulled out a small square box from his pocket, handed it to me and said, “Let’s get married, Wang Xi.
‘ It’s impossible to say that I wasn’t surprised, a person like him, if we compare it, is like the wind, coming and going with ease, he has always been a person who is afraid of burdens, even in the time when I loved him the most and the most, I never fantasized that one day he would propose to me.
But in addition to shock, I have no other emotions, I have never been able to figure out, when I like Song Daiyan so much myself, when I was treated like that, humble to the dust when I am persistent not to let go, why after everything is stable, I suddenly changed.
I thought for a long time did not figure it out, until I once again returned to the same place four years ago, I finally figured it out.
I have never been a generous person, it turns out that in the flood of time, I have always remembered four years ago those who were deeply hurt by the despair, those who begged and pleaded bitterly, those who have no bottom line and principle to accommodate.
Those desperate thoughts of giving up on oneself and wanting to get rid of it all, in the four years after Song Daiyan and I humbly begged for peace to get back together, slowly fermenting.
It turned out that I had never forgotten those injuries, my affection gradually disappeared in the back-and-forth memories, and in the end, all that remained was Wang Xi, who had picked up the little self-respect and self-love that was left in those years.
This girl’s reflex arc is that long, after such a long interval, she suddenly reacted to the fact that she has to love herself.
I was incredibly calm when I pushed Song Daiyan’s ring away, I knew I wouldn’t regret my decision now, I looked at Song Daiyan, shook my head, apologized and relieved, “I’m sorry, Song Daiyan, I don’t love you anymore.
” He seemed to anticipate this ending, after a long silence, he smiled with red eyes and asked, “Now I don’t love you anymore, then after that?
You don’t have a favorite person right, if it all starts over, are you willing to give me another chance?
” I looked at the traffic outside, time that long, it repaired all my inferiority complex and wounds, to give me a complete Wang Xi, I finally learned to treat love with an equal attitude.
As for what happened after that, who can say?
Leaning my head against the car window, I smiled slightly, let time verify it.
